Who’s Kids are These?

The kids were especially crazy on the ride home.

The van always seems like a place for them to go verbally wild, probably because they are strapped in and talking at Jeff and I is the only thing that they can do.

This drive though, they were acting like they all had huffed Kool Aid and took a shot of sugar before we left.

I am not sure why I choose this time as I parked in our garage to give out a lecture on listening to each other but I did and as you can imagine, it didn’t go so well.

“Jake, my motorcycle has three seats,” Claire said.

“Lalalalala dumbdeedumbdeedumb ahhhhh!” Jake sang back at her completely in his own world.

“Jake! What did your sister say?” I said butting in, “she is trying to talk to you.”

“Huh?” Jake said, ” Something about princesses?!”

I rolled my eyes and gave up because this was totally not the time since as I was trying to teach this lesson,  Hayden began scooting around on the van floor like a dog cleaning his butt.

And Quinn bless his heart was just waiting for permission to get out of the crazy van.

Its time like these Jeff will playfully argue with me about how our kids are not his.

“Your kids are crazy,” Jeff said as we walked into the house.

“Alright, everyone upstairs to get your jammies on,” I yelled at the kids and then turning towards Jeff, I said, “My kids? These are totally your kids.”

“Yeah, that is what you keep telling me,” Jeff playfully countered.

“Really?!” I said looking at him while I pulled sippy cups out of the drawer, “They are all totally yours. I didn’t make them by myself.”

He looked at me thougthfully as I made chocolate milk.

“Well, you sorta did,” he said.

“What?!” I screeched at a pitch that made a neighborhood dog howl.

I was half insulted, half curious about what he was going to say but as he walked to the desk drawer and pulled out a calculator, I was totally confused.

“Well, think about it. When the kids were made, it only took me about a minute, minute and a half ,to leave my deposit. Bam! My part done. Then it took you…” he said pausing to calculate, “413, 280 minutes to make Hayden and then 342,720 minutes to make the triplets.”

I stood there dumbfounded. What was I suppose to say to that?

He did after all have a point.

As the kids bounced down the stairs asking for their milk, telling us what movie they wanted to watch and Jake telling us about the adventures of his cousin Iron Man, my brain stopped formulating a come back and just began to slip into the comfortable roll of mommy.

As I handed out sippy cups, I suddenly stopped at smiled at Jeff and said, “Since I did all the hard work making these kids and you just made a ‘deposit’, I am going to need a break probably till next Tuesday.”

And with that I grabbed some wine and headed to the bed room to rest.

I am exhausted, after all, from the totally long time it took me to make all those kids.

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Comments

  1. Doing all that work can totally wear you out! I’d say a vacation in the tropics is in order!!

    Love this post!

  2. HA HA HA HA!!! I love your come back, that is definitely something that I would do to my husband.

    But my husband isn’t cleaver enough to come up with a comment like that!

  3. Look at you being all smart despite that pregnancy brain drain! And why in the world would he brag about only taking 1.5 minutes to get the job done?
    Dr. G´s last blog post ..Toddler + Restaurant = Hell. Thoughts?

  4. Ha! I love this post, your husband’s genetic “math,” and your very smart comeback. So clever!

    p.s. Thanks for the lovely comment that you left on my blog today!
    Jessica´s last blog post ..Writer’s Workshop: Lessons from my toddler

  5. HA! Awesome comeback!

  6. “His cousin Iron Man.” Ha!

    You know, when I was pregnant, it was nice to be able to say, “Gimme a break! I grew a lung today!” And then they go and turn the tables on us. But I’ll say you turned them right back around on him quite nicely.
    Leigh Ann´s last blog post ..Progress reports. In my head.

  7. You tell ‘em, sister!

  8. I think you’re totally right, except your break needs to be longer. At least 413, 280 plus 342,720 minutes … equals 756,000 minutes. Equals 525 days. Equals 1 year, 5 months and a week. Ish. I think.
    Givinya de Elba´s last blog post ..My Kitchen

  9. Connie Weiss says:

    Heck yeah you need a break!
    Connie Weiss´s last blog post ..First Day, The Ugly Cry and Santa

  10. And this comeback is why I love you.
    Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog post ..Down the Aisle

  11. Excellent comeback.

    My kids are all little clones of my husband, so when he says “your children” I tell him it’s obvious they are his, but they don’t look a thing like me and maybe there’s been some mix up.
    Shell´s last blog post ..Blog Friend Feature: Old Tweener

  12. Best. Post. Ever. Seriously, THE BEST!! I totally loved your last comment to him!!!!!!!

    He was so smart to take out that calculator and figure out who actually spent more time making the kids because it totally gave you an out…you deserve a break for, like, the next 10 years, I think.

  13. I LOVE your comeback! :)
    (although, I would’ve taken a little more time than that) :)
    Game, set, match!
    KSK´s last blog post ..What The Friday?!

  14. I am so putting my husband on notice that I’m due for some quiet time and time to recover from making all of these babies! ;)
    Kristi {at} Live and Love Out Loud´s last blog post ..Crazy Days of Summer Photo Challenge Week Twelve: Blue Skies

  15. I tell David all the time that these are MY children. I’m the one that made them. He just got to have a good time. Funny that he never appreciates that.
    Jennifer´s last blog post ..Share Your Awesome, The Jammie Girl

  16. They are ALWAYS Tim’s children when they are acting up. Apparently he was quite handful as a little boy so it only makes sense.

    And I think you should get at least a month off for all that gestating you did!! Me too, btw….
    Elaine´s last blog post ..Gifted

  17. I can’t believe he was so foolish to give you that ammunition! You can reuse that for years to come!
    liz´s last blog post ..How to Tie a Shoe: A Primer

  18. Best. Comeback. Ever!

    And the huffing Kool Aid part was pretty funny, too!

  19. You must be a very savvy mom, Jen; if you can provide him with such a stellar return on his tiny deposit :D

  20. Hi Jen, You have a great blog here, I really enjoyed reading this…It’s nice comeback..
    hannamay´s last blog post ..Trouble Conceiving

  21. Yes, but I still think they should be HIS kids when they misbehave! Mine are at least…
    Btw I tried your wet-sheet trick in the middle of the night (Joseph had an accident) where you put the towel down and put a clean fitted sheet on top! HEAVEN! It was so easy and quick and I was back in my own (dry) bed in no time! Thank you!

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