What, Its Empty Again?

You know, its something that every one has to do. It is just a natural part of life.

You eat a little something and a little while later, it is time. You drink a little something and a few minutes later, you feel the need.

Of course, I am talking about going to the bathroom. Like the books says, ‘Everybody poops and everybody pees’. It is just natural and we all do it.

But as a mommy, going to the bathroom can be a little more challenging.

First there is that fact that after having babies, our bladders are constantly mad at us for allowing them to be stomped on and kicked by said babies for 9 plus months. So they refuse to hold in the pee like they should.

Second, we never go to the bathroom when we should. I don’t know about you but I find that after I make sure that everyone else has used the bathroom before we go somewhere, I tend to forget about myself. So I end up with a super full, leaky bladder (because of the first reason) while walking through the stores or while driving somewhere.

And lastly, going to the bathroom can be challenging because with small children, doing your business is now a spectator sport. Kids just love to follow you into the bathroom and watch mommy pee. Even if you shut the door they will figure out a way to open it. And locking the door doesn’t work because that is a cue to every child everywhere that it is time to create get havoc in the house.

Yes, yes bathroom time can be challenging but as time goes on, things start to get a little better.

My bladder stopped being so angry at me since it knows that there will be no more children coming from me. I have been able to remember to actually pee before leaving the house and watching me pee has become boring to my kids so they don’t care anymore.

I thought I was in the clear. I thought that bathroom time was once again my time. I thought all the challenges of relieving my bladder were going to be a thing of the past.

But recently, a new challenge has presented itself.

For you see, now with three of the four children using the potty there seems to be a continual shortage of toilet paper in the bathroom. No matter how much I stock in there the roll always seems to be empty. More specifically, its empty when I sit down to go.

So I am left with a dilemma.

I can either call for my children to come into the bathroom, answer a thousand questions about what I am doing and why I have a ‘hairy ‘agina’ and ruin my alone bathroom time or I can do the walk of shame with my pants around my ankles to get the tissue box that we keep in the kitchen praying that none of my neighbors see my bare ass through my windows.

Such a tough choice.

But maybe there is a third option. Maybe I can just show my kids where the toilet paper is kept and they could get it for me when I call.

Yeah right. I can’t even get my kids to remember where all their toys go let alone follow through and put them there.

So neighbors be aware, bare assing it is.

What, you thought I would call the the kids into the bathroom? No way, my bathroom alone time is way too precious.

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  1. Option number four, keep a sizable amount of toilet paper on your person at all times..I like to keep mine in my bra…you’re welcome.
    Yuliya´s last blog post ..Food Porn

    • Now, why didn’t I think of that. This is going to also solve my issue of wanted a boob job. Toilet paper rolls in my bra will totally give me the ‘perky’ look I was hoping for.

  2. This is something that happens all the time here! :)
    Burciko´s last blog post ..Take a walk

  3. I can’t remember the last time I got to pee alone! And I’ve only got 1! Last night she was so upset (she’s going through a very clingy-to-only-m0mmy stage that seriously she had to sit on my lap. The unspoken joys of motherhood!
    Jamee´s last blog post ..Updates Get em while theyre hot

  4. It is a hot comodity in our house too:-)

  5. I have to change the toilet paper EVERY time in our master bathroom…. EVERY time. Anyway, when I go to the linen closet for a new roll, I get 3 rolls. One for the wallthingamajiggy, and two to sit off to the side (on the floor) as my back-ups. Yep! Soooo, the next time that I sit down and realize, midstream, that there is only half a square left hanging on the paper core, I just reach over and grab one of my back-up rolls and continue on with my “business”. :)

    Any WHY does it have to be the mom that changes out the roll of toilet paper? I don’t get it! I wiped little butts for years and they can’t return the courtesy by changing out a roll of TP? I digress…
    Lesley´s last blog post ..The Wooden Spoon Incident

  6. Lol! This post is hilarious! I have Hurried though my house half dressed, sometimes bottom, sometime top (thanked to a pit up and nursing) many times.
    Emmy´s last blog post ..Time Changes Things

  7. I’m never in the bathroom alone unless I’m at work. I ask the kids to get me paper when I need it. So far that’s working.
    Jennifer´s last blog post ..Stuff I learned at Bloggy Boot Camp

  8. When I first read the title of your post, I thought you were talking about your wine glass. The toilet paper roll is ALWAYS freakin’ empty in this house too. I vote for bare assing.
    Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog post ..Nash-Vegas- 10 Years Ago

  9. Hahaha!! I love that you have an “agina” too! That word cracks me up :)

  10. I totally pick the bare bottomed look over the kids any day!
    Emily´s last blog post ..A Tribute to Grandma

  11. you could always drip dry, but that doesn’t help when you drop a deuce.
    i’m the keeper of the rolls up in here. it’s an awful responsibility.
    MommaKiss´s last blog post ..Wickedly Ghoulish

  12. Oh man, it drives me CRAZY when no one replaces the toilet paper roll. Is it really that hard of a task to accomplish??
    Michelle @ One Crafty Mama´s last blog post ..July wrap up in August

  13. It’s pretty much always out here too. It’s because my oldest uses a like half a roll every time he goes #2. Seriously, it’s a miracle we haven’t had major plumbing issues.

    *knocks on wood*
    Elaine´s last blog post ..Bloggy Boot Camp- Round 1

  14. Texan Mama says:

    Seriously, get scott 1000 sheets. SO much more tp on the roll. we rarely go through more than 2 rolls a week for 6 bathroom-users.
    Texan Mama´s last blog post ..I Wonder

  15. The solution to your kids icking out over your ‘hairy agina’?

    tulpen´s last blog post ..No No No No Yes No No Yes NO. NO. YES That’s A Kick Ass Header

  16. You’re a mom. You can do wonders with that teeny piece left on the roll.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  17. LOL-seems like a lot of us have the same challenge.

    susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog post ..The Kindness Club- Week 23 Back After A Bit Of A Break

  18. I do as a previous poster and bring a whole pack (6 rolls) at a time. Now I bought a neato little cabinet to hid the other 5 rolls after I replenish the thingy. And BONUS! The thingy holds a box of tissue in the top.

    Now while the rolls may not be safe, no kid is going to willingly voluntarily touch a tissue and thus that box, in emergencies is always available! :)

    Interesting side note: Girls are different than boys. My daughter thinks it’s great fun to replace the roll on the thingy, and does so very often, so I am finding myself less often staring an empty roll. My sons on the other hand, I’m not 100% convinced that they actually use toilet paper and I’m nearly 100% convinced they can’t even find the roll holder for the thingy in their bathroom.
    Elisabeth´s last blog post ..Good News and Bad News

  19. We go through toilet paper quickly in our house too. I try to always keep a 2 rolls under the sink just in case but it doesn’t always happen.
    Michelle´s last blog post ..Orzo With Mint and Summer Squash

  20. oooooh, Jen! only YOU can make something as mundane as this into something so colorful and humurous! And, yes, i thought you were going to call in your kids.
    liz´s last blog post ..Christmas Will Soon Be Upon Us

    • I don’t know if you meant it as a compliment but I am taking it as one because one of my goals in my writing is to show people how the little things in life can be really funny.

      So thank you, to made my day.


  21. This is why elderly aunts and grannies have those toilet paper crocheted doll covers on the back of their toilet! For just this kind of emergency. It’s always a scary doll too, so no kids will go near it.
    Jayme´s last blog post ..No More Vanilla Mint

  22. Apparently, I’m the only person in the house who knows where we keep the toilet paper. Never mind I put extra rolls in every bathroom and tell Jason to tell me if he grabs the last one….it never happens. And I’m also the person that always ends up on the pot with no toilet paper. It’s awesome being a mom, isn’t it?
    Natalie´s last blog post ..Ms. L in the Box

  23. Well… the silver lining is that your kids are at least wiping themselves…. I say this because, for some odd reason, at least 4 of my children have chosen the “no wiping option”, which leads to the most “fun” laundry ever (note the sarcasm).

    ps You could always extend your bathroon “stay” by just using the drip-dry method.
    debi9kids´s last blog post ..Butterflies

  24. Oh, yes. I know all about this. AND I aslways scold myself, “Well, why didn’t you look before you went?” To which I reply, “I have been holding it for 5 freaking hours! One, I was lucky to get in here with dry undies, and Two, the only thing I was checking for was whether I was being followed.”
    Sigh. I have been known to use the cardboard, truth be told.
    stef´s last blog post ..So I Married a Deaf Man: Flashlights

  25. I’m with Debi on the silver lining…I can’t wait till they wipe well enough to do it themselves!! I dread the words “I’m done!!”

    I seriously need to remember to LOCK the dang door (that is if I can get it shut before one of the 3 kids or the 2 dogs follows me in.) The other day, I had all 3 kids in there, the dog laying on my feet and Adam trying to sit in my lap and yelling at me to read him a book. Calgon!!!
    Barbara Manatee´s last blog post ..Pretty in Pink

  26. That is the most artistic photo of a toilet paper roll I have ever seen.

    You might have a toilet paper roll gift.
    Megan (Best of Fates)´s last blog post ..Halloween on the Farm ie Here There Be Elvis

  27. Oh God. I can’t pee in front of people. I’m never going to pee when my son turns into a toddler.
    Laura @ The Things I Said I’d Never Do´s last blog post ..Birthday Boy

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