Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you made different choices or followed a different path? I am not saying that I don’t want to be where I am in my life but I just wonder why I chose path that I did to get here.
I also sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had totally made different decisions.
What if I was more out going instead of the shy wall flower growing up?
What if I had pursued my crush?
What if I had not chosen to switch schools and therefore gained the strength and confidence to attract Jeff to me.
What if I had gone to Boston for college instead of staying my home town?
What if I became the marine biologist that I wanted to become when I was 10?
Would I be living in Florida and working at Sea World, dream job, with the dolphins?
What if I was still single?
What would my life be like if I had not gotten married at 22 and had all my children by the time I was 27?
Would I be happier than I am now?
Would I have eventually ended up in same place where I am now?
What if this is not the life I am meant to live?
See, I think that everything happens for a reason. We make the choices that we do for a reason. But right now, I am kind of wondering about my reasons. In fact, I don’t even think that I know the reason. Why am I in this life? What am I suppose to do with it?
Throughout my life, I have always had goals for myself. You know, go to college, find a boyfriend, get married, have a career, have kids and so on. These were my major life goals. And right now, at the tender age of 30, I have accomplished all these goals.
So now what?
Here I sit and I am wondering, what now? Is this it? What is the rest of my life going to look like? I am just going to be a wife, mother, nurse continually caring for someone else until I die?
It all is just so normal. It is all so normal that I feel like I am suffocating in normal. I feel like the walls are caving in on me and I can’t breath. This normal is killing me!
I need something else. I need change. I need excitement, adventure. I need to run away and join the circus.
I don’t know. Maybe this is just me have an early midlife crisis. Maybe this is me just not wanting to deal with the painful things in life. Or maybe I am just bored.
Are these feeling normal or should I just commit myself now?
