I knew the smell before I even entered the van.
Quinn was the first to speak, “Ew! What is that smell?”
“It smells like poop, dog poop,” I said my mind wondering back to the big pile of crap I saw in the grass of our friend’s lawn. I thought that I had walked around it but maybe not.
I quickly lifted up each of my feet to check my shoes.
“Boys!” I yelled into the van, “Don’t move.”
Each boys, of course, wiggled around some more but thankfully, stayed seated.
I had so much to do and cleaning dog poop out of the van was not on my list. I quickly walked around the van to the open back door. As I walked my crotch screamed at me in pain. Sometimes, I get it in my head that maybe I could be a runner but all that does is make me out of breath and cause great chaffing around my ‘special’ spot.
“Every one look at the bottom of your shoes,” I said, “one of you must had stepped in dog poop.”
Quinn looked at me appalled that such a thing could even happen.
“There is no poop on my shoe, mom” Jake said.
“Um, mom!” Hayden chimed in right after Jake, “There is poop on my shoe.”
“Ew!” Quinn said again.
“Here,” I said reaching to the back seat, “Take your shoes off and let me have them. Don’t touch the bottoms.”
“Mom, why is poop so stinky?” Jake asked.
I grabbed Hayden’s shoes from him and said, “Well, poop is the waste that our body produces and waste is just stinky.”
“But why is it brown?” Jake asked.
I didn’t really want to get into the whole science behind why poop is the color is it so I just repeated myself but knew that this wouldn’t work because it never works, “Poop is waste and brown is the color.”
“Mommy, can we get a puppy?” Jake asked.
I snickered at the fact that Jake went from dog poop to getting a puppy.
“No, Jake!” Quinn answered for me, “Daddy is scared of doggies.”
“Daddy is not scared, Quinn.” Hayden said defending this dad, “Dogs are just a lot of work.”
“That’s right,” I said.
“And,” Hayden said, “We like cats.”
“But I like doggies,” Jake said.
“You can like dogs, Jake but we are cat people so there will be no dogs in our house,” I clarified.
“And dogs have huge poop,” Hayden said, “I don’t think they make litter boxes that big.”