It’s good to be thankful for things.
It’s also good to write thank you notes for things, a practice that has kind of been lost in our technology heavy society.
But I want to try and be a good example.
So I thought I’d write some thank you notes… you know, Jimmy Fallon style.
Dear Inside Edition,
Thank you for airing the story about the man who’s whole lawn turned from green to brown and died because he used fertilizer wrong. I don’t know what my life would be like if I didn’t know about this. I realize I could have changed the channel if I was uninterested but the remote was across the room. Also, aren’t you supposed to be reporting on celebrity sex habits?
Thank you first of all for being huge babies and making it so that I can’t sneeze without pissing my pants but also for pointing out that my tummy is big and squishy on a daily basis. You make me want to wear three pairs of Spanax at a time and I am sure I won’t be able to breath is a do this and breathing is good, also this might illegal is some states.
Dear People I Live With,
Thank you for walking past the items that I put on the stairs. You know, I put them there because they need to be put away upstairs not because I am trying to test your balance by making some hazards on the stairs for you to step on, over and around. And trust me, you are just as able to put said things away as I am.
Dear Person Parking this Truck,
Thank you for making my parking job look good.
Dear Criminal Minds,
Thank you for playing a nice piano solo during the beginning of the episode. I rather enjoyed it. There was a this cute little boy plays and then… Oh My Gawd! He was killed, blood spray every where. You have ruined piano music for me.
Dear Former Hospital Patient,
Thank you for being a patient in the hospital where I work. And thank you for calling in to tell us how we failed you but I didn’t need to hear your whole life story and how your husband left you on Christmas morning and how your daughter was assaulted and now part of a big murder trial all to know that you were unhappy with the prescription the doctor gave you. You took 43 minutes of my life… I want them back.
Thank you for liking the wet cat food that I buy for you. I like feeding it to you because cats like meat. But while I am making dinner is not the time you get to eat. You get to eat when the family sits down to dinner so you don’t need to continually be under my feet and tap my shoe to remind me to feed you. Trust me, I know.
Dear Person Driving the Car,
Thank you for driving into my lane almost causing a head on collision with me. I needed some new underwear… by the way, you owe me a new pair or two of underwear.
Thank you. You know, for reading and stuff. What did you think that I was going to say you did something I didn’t like about you? Nah, I am writing Thank you notes, after all.
This post is part of Writer’s Workshop