Seriously, This Kid

Hayden, Hayden, Hayden. There really is never a dual moment with that kid. Even something as simple as going to the doctor for his five year old check up can be a laugh-a-minute, unexpected journey.

This morning, I told Hayden that we would be going to the doctor’s office for his check up. Now a normal kid probably would have thrown out a couple, ‘Aw Mom’s’ and stomped off to his/her room. But no, not Hayden. When I told him, he let out a very loud, very excited, “YIPPEE!” Then proceeded to run around the room, jump on the furniture and knock over a sibling or two.

Once he had calmed down by spending time on the naughty chair, he came up to me and asked me to feel his forehead. I rolled my eyes at him and complied with his request.

“Hayden you feel fine,” I told him.

“No, Mom. I think that I have a feeber. I think that I need to go to the doctor now,” he whined at me.

“Hayden, you are fine,” I stated.

“But Moooooma. I have a really, really big headache. Puhleeesa take me to the doctor now.” He whined once again.

I then firmly told him that we wouldn’t be able to go until after naps when Papa could come and watch Jake, Quinn and Claire. He dramatically sighed at me and stomped off to play.

Finally, after a nonexistent nap it time to go. During the car ride there, he had a question for me.

“Mom, do you think I will have to get a shot?” he asked.

“I don’t think so, Hayden. I think that you had them all last time.” I answered.

“Oh. But if I do need to get a shot, I will try really hard not to cry. I will be a really big boy so it is alright if I have to have a shot,” he said.

“Well that is good but I don’t think that you will need to have a shot.” I told him once again.

“Whhhay?” he whined. “I really want to get a shot.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What child wants to get a shot? So I probed more into why this was such an issue. And lets just say, I wasn’t really surprised by the answer.

“Mom, I need to get a shot so that I can get candy. They give you candy after you get a shot. Remember when I was four and I got shots. They had candy for me,” he informed me.

After convincing him that he could still get candy for just going to the doctor, he quit whining and sat back to enjoy the rest of the ride.

Once we were checked in and all the necessary measurement were complete, Hayden undressed and we waited for the doctor. I don’t know why Hayden has such love and affection for a man that he only sees once a year. Maybe its all the undivided attention that is give to just him. But he could hardly contain himself waiting in that room for Dr B. He was like a hamster running on one of those wheels. He was just spinning and bouncing and climbing on EVERYTHING!

Finally, Dr B. enter the room and the rest of the appointment went off without any major problems but there were two incidents that still make me laugh.

I learned that my son, reaches into his underwear to grab and play with his penis each and every time he is asked a question. I don’t know if it helps him think or what. But I am really hoping that he is not doing this in school.

And the highlight of the appointment, mostly because it didn’t happen to me was this. Dr B. asks Hayden to take a big breath in and let it out so that he can listen to his lungs. Hayden is more than happy to comply. He takes him one exaggerated breath and then lets it out right in the doctors face. Dr. B is literally blown away. After regaining his composure, he asks.

“Hayden, what did you have for lunch?”

After playing with himself for a few seconds, Hayden proudly answers “Peanut butter and jelly.”

Dr B. replies, “I thoughts so because that breath was like eating a Reese peanut butter cup with out getting to enjoy the chocolate.”

Jeff and I look at each other and then back at the doctor and we can all no longer control ourselves. We all bust out laughing. Hayden is a little take back by this and screams for us to stop laughing as he runs to me.