“Oh fudge and fruit-loops!” I said as I pulled the van into a parking lot.
“What?” Jeff asked.
“I am being pulled over. Crap!” I said watching the police car pull in behind me with lights flashing, alerting all the passers by that yes, this really is a crazy mini-van mom driver.
Jeff gave me a look and began to rummage around in the glove box for our license and registration as we waited for the cop to get out of this car and talk to me.
I hoped that my luck was not going to run out. I had been pulled a couple other times for speeding and had gotten off with just a warning. Once had been on Mother’s Day and the cop didn’t want to ruin my ’special day’ and the other time I got pulled over was when I was speeding to get home with a van full of screaming kids. I think we scared the cop and he just wanted to get back in this car because the noise was enough to rise zombies from the dead. Heck, I was kind of wishing to be arrest just to get away from all the screaming.
So I had been lucky. I thought that this thing could do ether way, I would get lucky a third time or this was the time I would get a ticket.
I glanced at myself in the mirror and then looked down at my shirt. Yup, this was the time that I was going to get a ticket. No make-up, hair wind blown, raggedy tee shirt and just a normal bra, not a wonder bra like I normally wear. I was a hot mess.
“Evening. Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” The cop ask after what seemed like an eternity of sitting in his patrol car.
“Yeah, I was probably going too fast. But I am in a hurry. It’s past the kids bedtime and I need to get home.” I said, hoping that at that moment my kids would bust out crying or whining and the cop would take pity on me.
The cop looked at me, took my license and registration and walked back to his car.
“Who dat? Who is that man? What is that, Mommy? all three little kids chimed in from the back seat.
“That was a police man. Mommy was just going too fast and the police man stopped mommy to tell mommy to slow down.” I said explaining.
‘Er in trouble, mommy?” Claire asked.
“Well, mommy didn’t follow the rules and went too fast so yeah, I am in trouble.” I answered.
As we waited for the cop to come back, the conversation turned to other random things that the kids wanted to know about and soon we weren’t talking about the cop or speeding at all. Just normal random conversations about rockets and pink sea fish.
Finally after taking way too long and making us loose all the time that I saved by speeding down the road, the cop returned with my ticket. We exchanged pleasantries and I was free to go.
I put the car in gear and slowly made my way through the parking lot to the main road. When it was time, I signaled and turned out onto the road. As I stepped on the gas, forcing the van to get up to speed, Jake screamed at me,
“MOMMY, NO! TOO FAST! YOU SLOW DOWN!!”
“Jake,” I said trying to calm him, ” I am not going too fast. I am going to the speed limit.”
“NO, MOMMY! TOO FAST! I TELL POLICE.” he screamed again.
“Fine.” I said, “I will just go the actual speed limit. So much for ten over.”
Little narc.
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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
lol this post was so funny. I loved the “Zombie” line.
Boo for getting a ticket. I have never gotten one, but I am sure my time is coming.
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That’s cute. And if only he knew about all of the pot you have been growing in the basement.
I’m kidding, people. Settle down. It’s only basil plants.
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Jen Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Damn, that was basil!?! No wonder the high totally sucked and I began to crave pesto.
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Tattle tale… that’s pretty funny though. At least you know he’s honest:)
My mom used to get pulled over all the time. She’d get out of it by talking to the cop about people she knew with the same Dutch last names as him. Yeah…
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Jen Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
LOL! I can totally see your mom doing this. But I want to know, how often did it work?
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Katie Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Well, I think that specific one just worked once, but I swear, she’d get a ticket 1 out of five pull-overs. I think it’s that charming oblivion;)
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What a tattle tail! Sheesh, kid.
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Sorry about the ticket
. And you gotta love those back seat drivers.
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Oh my gosh, so funny that you’ve got a tattle tale.
I’m impressed that you’ve gotten off with a warning in the past. i’ve been pulled over twice, and both times, there was no way in heck I was getting away without a ticket. So, what’s the secret to getting off with a warning? The makeup or the wonderbra? Or both?
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Jen Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Honestly, I think it was the kids that got me out of the ticket because when I have been stopped by myself, I could have flashed the cop and still gotten a ticket and probably some jail time for indecent exposure.
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I’m always driving too fast. I keep waiting to be pulled over. Luckily the only time it happened I didn’t have any kids in the car.
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Yeah, Aidan still reminds me about the time I got pulled over…and tells EVERYONE who will listen! LOL!
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Great story — my little guy is always telling me to go Faster and he gets especially annoyed at the yellow flashing light we have to pass each day on our way to his school. To him, the police are the guys who make sure he’s in his car seat!
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I had to laugh at wishing to be arrested to get away from the noise- I would have looked at that like a vacation today.
Little backseat drivers- what do they know?
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Jacob was just telling me today that I was driving too fast! Damn back seat drivers!
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I believe I’ve heard that same scream that’s loud enough to wake zombies from the dead!!
Sorry about the ticket! My kids are little backseat drivers as well. One time, Cole said, “Mommy, if you run a stop sign, you know you’ll go to jail.” I said, “Really? Wow, I’d probably get a good night’s sleep and a hot meal. Going to jail may not be such a bad thing, after all”. That shut him up fast.
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Lol, ohh kids. I got my first speeding ticket ever last fall and now I still get that from my kids and they werent even in the car with me when I was speeding
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“Little narc” cracked me up! Well, the best way to break a bad habit is to be nagged out of it by the combined efforts of your nearest and dearest.
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Love it. Life with little narcs…
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busted! hehehehe….
I’ve gotten out of a couple tickets thanks to quickly produced tears and… wonderbras don’t hurt either.
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Uh oh…you know your kids have turned on you once they are eager to turn you in to the PoPo.
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Boo for tickets! Now your kids are ratting you out, even worse. Hopefully the fine wasn’t too much.
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Oh, that totally stinks. Tickets suck!! Made even worse when everyone’s in the car with you when it happens.
Just know we all sympathize with you. And hopefully the kids don’t continue to yell “slow down or I’ll tell police!” at you whenever you drive now. That would be almost worse than the ticket!! LOL!
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Jen Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Well, this happened about a week ago and still every time we get going in the car, the kids ask me to slow down or tell me a police man will get me.
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I know…my kids are the same way!
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Yeah, he’ll be singin’ a different tune when he’s 16… ;-P
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That is too funny! I once got a ticket rushing to get Jack to preschool on time. Of course, after that I was late and Jack marched into the preschool room and announced, “I’m here! My mom just had to stop and talk to a policeman for a few minutes!”
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Hahaha!! Little narc!! Don’t you just love ‘em!!
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Oops sorry about the ticket. I haven’t gotten one yet *knock on wood* but sometimes I have a lead foot so I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I’m pulled over.
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I think budget cuts across the country mean more tickets! Your kids are too cute…
Speaking of tickets… I am going to traffic court on Wednesday…. I hope you didn’t get points!
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I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but this just cracked me up. You’re going to be EVEN more miserable now!
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Ahh man! What a bummer he didn’t take pity on you. Don’t ya just hate how they take forever?? I mean I know we’re supposed to think their calling stuff in, but really they are talking to their partners and wasting time to make us sweat a bit. Sorry. “Little Narc” made my laugh! haha.
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Luckily I have never gotten a ticket with my kids in the car but my two year old yells at me all the time for turning to fast or stopping to fast. If I hit the brakes to hard I can be sure she will tell her daddy later that day that we almost bumped a car. Tattle tail!
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My mom was a notorious speedster and she used every trick inthe book to get out of tickets with us screaming kids being the most common. It didn’t always work but it was good for a story after.
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Bummer on the ticket. I’ve had more than my fair share of them- and I have gotten out of almost as many…
One of my fave stories about getting pulled over, I was taking my drivers exam and the officer told me to turn the WRONG way on a ONE WAY road, I brought it to his attention, he said just do it, emergency potty time- I asked no more questions and turned- the man was so big the seat belt wouldn’t fit him- could you imagine the mess/ smell? Yeah, I took his advice and turned. I got followed back into the parking lot by blue lights…
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