The house was quiet and had been for some time.
The kids are all tucked in bed and after many stall tactics including one claiming there was poop in some underwear, were now sleeping. Even the husband had retreated to the bedroom.
The TV shows were ending and it was time for bed… actually, past time for bed.
What happened next is a written reenactment of events that lead to the kitchen being soaked and the floor needing to be mopped at midnight.
These are the thoughts in my head…
*whew*
Glad that episode is done… Wow! What a heart stopper. If the suspense in this show gets any more… well… suspenseful, I am going to need to take Xanax to watch it and maybe wear a diaper.
Not sure why suspense will make me pee but this is a new couch, you can never be too careful.
*turns attention to TV*
OH MY…. next week’s Covert Affairs looks even more intense.
I LOVE IT!!!
Ok time for bed, must switch the TV to the Disney Channel so that my ‘wake up too early kids’ can watch it without waking me up.
*picks up remote, punches in 37*
Aw, look… Good Luck Charlie is on.
I love that show.
*25 minutes later*
Wait!
*laugh*
Am I standing here watching a Disney Channel sitcom and laughing?!
*laughs again*
I must not ever tell Jeff of this… he will never let me live it down.
Man, I wish I could watch an other episode but it’s late… shit, 11:30pm late… time for bed.
*walks out of room*
But first… a check of my phone.
Ooh! People responded to me on Twitter, I gotta tweet them back and tweet out my post. It’s good stuff.
*opens computer*
Tweet tweet deet deet Tweet. Twitter is so awesome.
*scratch scrape scratch*
What the hell?
Is there some creepy long nailed serial killed behind me?
I’m too young to dhhhiiiiieeeeaahhh!
*turns around to see cat on the stove*
Stupid cat!
“GET DOWN!!”
*cat jumps off the stove*
And cats are supposed to be smart. You’d think that they’d wait at least until I was in bed to jump on things that they are not supposed to be on.
*turns to cat*
When I am standing right here, I am going to catch you. Duh!
*cat blinks*
Yeah, that’s right… I know your game.
*ba dunk*
Oh look… more twitter responses.
I so love when my phone alerts to me things. It makes me happy.
Does that make me ridiculous?
Nah, that just means I am awesome.
*types*
Ok Jen, slow down.
Remember you are tired and the brain is only functioning on 1/4. Write that response carefully. You don’t want to tell another Twitter friend that they ‘give good suck’… yeah, that was unfortunate.
*pauses, rereads tweet*
‘I want to lick your nipple’?! What the hell am I trying to say?
Glad I caught that.
*scratch scrape scratch*
What the hell?
Again?
Dumbass cat!
I am the human, don’t mess with me.
*gets idea*
Cat’s don’t like water in the face.
*walks to sink, turns of water*
*decides to teach cat a lesson*
*grabs faucet sprayer*
Fear my water, cat!
*sends the next 3 minutes in a Braveheart-type-war-cry whisper yell, spraying water at the cat and every where else*
Get off the stove… IHAZWATERSPPPRRRAAAAAAYERRRR!!!!
*looks around kitchen*
Shit!
*realizes kitchen is now soaked*
Double shit!
*realizes water spray hit most important electronic in the house… the iPhone*
Fudge and fruit loops
*cat blinks*
I bet you think that you are pretty smart.
*cat blinks*
Whatever… You shouldn’t have been on the stove.
*cat blinks, jumps off stove*
Fine.
This is not my finest hour.
Now go away or I will use you to mop up this mess.
*heads to closet to get mop*
*rolls eyes at clock… 11:49pm*
I totally should have just watched that other episode of Good Luck, Charlie.
OMG I am rolling!! That is awesome and now I have to watch my DVR’s episode of Covert Affairs!!
Covert Affairs is by far one of my favorite shows but the intensity just damn near kills me.
Saved you from having to mop the next day leaving your oodles of time to watch the Disney channel with the children! See how I just made this a “glass half full” moment! You’re welcome!
BWhahahah I have done that a few times.. Usually picking on my kids.. but the clean up after sucks..
I laughed so hard reading this. It sounds like a typical night in my house.
Sleep and sanity are totally overrated.
I totally agree.
I find myself watching Nick and Disney channel after Mea has gone to bed far too often. There are episodes of iCarly and VicTorious that I have seen that she hasn’t.
I hope your iphone is okay!!
It was… thank goodness.
Another reason I stay off the pet bandwagon….
I love Covert Affairs! My mom got me hooked!
Now I have to go watch an episode {or 4} of Good Luck Charlie! Love that show
I love that you sprayed down the entire kitchen, but not that you sprayed down the iPhone.
Well, at least your kitchen is clean now…
We totally had a water gun for my cat when we were teaching him to stay off crap. He really did hate it. But what REALLY taught him not to go on the table was when my dad was on crutches and used his crutch to, um, communicate to the cat.
After that, the cat hauled ass downstairs when my dad stood up out of the chair.
check and mate.
So you are saying that I need to get crutches to get my cats to obey me?!
And I was waiting for some water issue that happened which made it a could thing that you had stayed up late to catch the leak but know, it was you! Hilarious!!
Oh my gosh!!! You are soooooo hilarious!! In all my busyness, I have missed reading your blog:-)
Aw, thanks. I am glad that I could make you smile.
Just another reason why I don’t have any cats… ;p