I always wanted to have neighbors near by. I grew up on a cul-de-sac in a small suburb.
Now doesn’t that sound like the beginning of a Lifetime movie.
We knew all our neighbors. They were the type who you would run across the street to a borrow a cup of sugar. They were the type were my mom could say, “will you quick watch my kids?” and then run out for an errand. They were the type were us kids would play endlessly with each other concocting elaborate stories of mermaids, princes and evil sea witches. . .
Wait, isn’t that the plot of the Little Mermaid?
Whatever.
We lived close enough with these people to know when they were having a marital fight, when they were really, really happy and when they were in the throws of passion.
It was awesome.
So naturally when Jeff and I were choosing the location of our home, I wanted it to be in a neighborhood. I wanted everything that I had in my childhood neighborhood and more.
But Jeff wanted land. He wanted woods. He wanted to be out in nature.
Why? I am not really sure since he is by claim a ‘woosie computer boy’ with soft sensitive hands that as far as I know, have never done anything manly in the woods.
So we compromised.
We found a neighborhood set out in the woods with a rule that each land owner must own at least 3 acres of land on which to build a house.
This means that we have neighbors but they are not really the kind that you can bound across the street to to borrow a cup of sugar. Which I guess is maybe a good thing because maybe its not the smartest idea to borrow sugar from people you don’t really know. I mean, what if they have some kind of sugar fetish and do things with their sugar that, well, should just stay between them and the privacy of their own home.
Anyway, we chose this neighborhood because it was the perfect compromise. It seemed like there were people there with kids and the lots were wooded.
But after we moved in something happened. I don’t know if the day that we drove around and saw all the people outside playing with their young kids was the day everyone had friends over or what but after we moved in, I discovered that people who lived in this neighborhood lived their for a reason.
They wanted privacy and quiet.
Well, we don’t exactly know what privacy and quiet mean. I mean, I do but my kids don’t.
Our neighbors have not only been accosted by me running bra-less down the street to chase after a naughty kid but also by my kids themselves who have no filter and ask things like, “why is your belly so fat?” or “do you wanna see the freckle on my penis?”
Our neighbors have always been gracious and stopped when my children run out into the run chasing after a toy and they have also tolerated our loudness but none of them have really become the type of neighbors that I remember from my past.
Recently, we noticed moving trucks in the driveway across the street from us.
This house has been for sale for a while and I prayed that maybe someone would buy it who had young children and would be genuinely awesome. The people that used to own the house were pretty cool but they just had dogs for kids, like literally their dogs were their kids, and they were both doctors who basically worked all the time.
Although, they did have a nice cleaning lady/dog walker. I got to know her pretty well.
I was excited about the prospects of these new neighbors and I was over joyed when I saw young children in their yard. I hoped that this was my chance, that finally someone cool would move into the neighborhood with kids who we could hang out with.
I knew that introductions would have to be done carefully.
The process of making a new mom friend is not one to be taken lightly had has to be done with a certain amount of finesse. I learned from all the preschool moms that one wrong step and ‘BAM!’ you are now out of the mommy group.
I had to work during the weekend when they were moving in.
“Perfect” I thought to myself. “During the week, I can find some wonderful Pinterest recipe that will totally impress them, make it and then next weekend, we can go and introduce ourselves.”
So imagine my surprise when my phone beeped with a text message.
“Babe. I just went and met the new neighbors.”
“What?” I said a loud to my empty office and then typed that into my phone.
“Yeah, they were out so I went over and said hi. I met him but the wife and their kids weren’t home right now.”
I shook my head as my phone beeped again.
“I was thinking of going over there again to ask if I could take their kids off their hands for the afternoon, you know so they could unpack without them milling around.”
Oh sweet pickles!
I just about dropped my phone. This was all wrong. Not at all the process is making new mom friends. It was just too forward and fast. A new mom friend has to be wooed, slowly, sweetly and with just a bit of snark.
Jeff’s intentions were in the right place but the last impression I wanted to make on our new neighbors was that we were trying to steal their children. It was going to be hard enough to convince them that we have indoor plumbing since my boy’s favorite thing to do it stand on the front walk and pee.
“That’s a sweet idea,” I typed “But how about I just buy them a bottle of wine and make them some cookies?”
“Fine” my phone beeped and then again with, “But wouldn’t it be nice to buy their kids gifts too?”
I sighed, oh my ‘anti-social come on too strong computer geek’ of a husband. . . you just gotta love his heart of gold.
Great story. I wouldn’t worry about your over-sharing, geeky husband. His kidnapping attempt on the neighbor’s children will provide material for future snarky bonding sessions. Cookies and wine won’t hurt, either.
I did bring over cookies and wine… they were a big help in breaking the ice.
I met mine at night, in a Korean Happy Coat that was open and I didn’t realize it, with a Spiderman band-aid stuck to my forehead. They haven’t spoken to us since. You guys just sound really nice. I’m sure my neighbors would prefer to have you living next to them…..
http://dontchewonthedinnertable.blogspot.com/
We’re close with our neighbors (because we practically live on top of them), but there aren’t any kids our kids’ ages on our street and it sucks. We also had a pedophile move in with his sister and her husband across the street from us. Right across the street. Way to bring the property value down!
Oh that is horrible.
I have honestly never looked at one of those sites that tells you were sexual offenders are. I don’t know if I want to know.
Lol! Yes- neighborhoods really are different things now. It is sad how little neighbors seem to know each other and interact anymore. There are occasional spots where this still exists but it has become far too rare.
You are right, it totally is sad. Whatever happened to the niceness of our childhood past?
I think your neighborhood sounds pretty freaking perfect. I would rather not ever see my neighbors.
I wanna buy the house across the street from you! I mean, how crazy fun would that be!?!? ;-P
Especially if you would bring me wine and cookies.
Oh you should… we would have so much fun together because I never let my wine rack get empty.
We live in a neighborhood like the one you grew up in. I love it. I laughed out loud at the sugar fetish part!
You just never know what kind of fetishes people have these days.
I would love to be your neighbor..but not with that much space. I can pass sugar to my neighbor through our open windows. It gives me calm knowing how close they are.
See, you understand. I like knowing people are around me.
Cute story… I miss my neighborhood up north…we all had at least an acre, so we could definitely hang out, but weren’t right on top of each other… and hang out we did… my neighborhood down here, although we are much closer physically, is not as friendly.
Perfect day for this post Jen! We are just moving into our new house in a cul-de-sac this week. I’ve always wanted my kids to have the neighborhood experience you are talking about because I had it too! We had such a gang of kids growing up in my neighborhood and played together all the time. It was so much fun…
Last night I went to the new house to clean (we can’t move in until Saturday due to lack of help during the week) and my 9 year old daughter took less than 5 minutes to be in the back yard with the next door neighbor’s kids. It was great! I’m so excited that she made friends that quickly. She can’t wait to go back to the house again.
Oh that is awesome. Sometimes you need kids to break the ice first. Good luck on your move.
I’ve tried the “freckles on my penis” line countless times and it’s yet to work for me.
Huh, I can’t imagine why.
I’m with you..wine and cookies:)
Soooo? Don’t leave me hangin’! Did they turn out to be awesome??
I totally get what you are goin’ through. I am lucky that my soul sista moved across the street last fall. But before her? I was like you…..randomly chasing down new prospects, bra-less no less.
If you were my neighbor, I would LOVE it.
And we would be drinking wine in the driveway every weekend, which is what we do here. Come on over!
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Let’s just say, it’s been a slow process. We are not best friends yet but we don’t hate each other.
Also, I totally want to come and live in your neighborhood.