Moral of the Story: Always Lock the Door

I guess you could say that it’s sorta my fault.

I have never been very good at closing the bathroom door. When my kids were little I used to leave the door to the bathroom open on purpose.

I am not actually sure why but I thought that if the door was open and they cried or got into trouble, I would be able to help them in some way.

Of course my plan is flawed and every time something happened while I was in the bathroom, I had to finish what I was doing clean up and then go and help the child.

Keeping the bathroom door open while I did my business never got to me to the child faster or prevented any issues. All it did was allow me to better hear the mischief and try and yell at the child to stop while sitting upon the porcelain throne.

Since the kids have gotten older, I have been trying to reclaim privacy in the bathroom that I lost to my children.

I thought it was best since the kids now notice things about their and my bodies. And also Claire keeps telling me that she want her belly to be big like mine. I don’t know how to handle that, be happy she thinks I have an awesome big belly or be offended.

So now I close the door when I go into the bathroom and encourage the kids to do so as well.

One morning, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower when I noticed a weird pain in my lady parts.

Being the good nurse that I am, I decided that a full assessment was in order.  And since I have had children, including a set of triplets, this is not the easiest of things anymore.

In order to see things properly, I placed one foot on the counter and reached around to find my hand held mirror.

I positioned the mirror just so, bent over and began my inspection to find the pain when I heard the door knob turn.

“No. No. No.” I said, “Mommy is busy in the bathroom.”

But my warning fell on deaf ears  because the door began to open. I tried to scoot myself towards the door with a hop hop wiggle wiggle but gravity decided to work against me.

The lean of my body was just too much for my flapping arm to try to recenter and I fell over like a tall stone tower in angry birds just as the door fully opened to my young son standing in the door way.

I lay there on the floor, naked and spread eagle, trying to figure out if all the pieces of me were in the right spot. I stared up at the ceiling just breathing and thinking of how I was going to explain this one to the child that I figured was still standing in the doorway when said child spoke,

“Mommy, why you have a beard on your butt?”

Then I did the only thing a person in this situation could do, I started laughing shaking all the jiggly parts of my naked body.

I guess this will be just another incident that he talks to his therapist about.

And I have learned my lesson. From now on, I will be using the lock on the bathroom door.

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Related posts:

1. Hit the Showers
2. What, Its Empty Again?
3. Give Them a Good Show
4. A Car Ride with the Kids
5. Men vs. Women

Tagged as: Bathroom Issues, Humor, This is my Life