“Mommy” Quinn whined.

“Mmmmmm….” I said opening my eyes just a bit.

“Mommy, I am hungry,” he said right in my face.

“Mmm…” I said patting him on the head.

“Mommy,” Quinn said more forcefully, “I am hungry.”

“Five more minutes, Quinn. Five more minutes,” I said as I turned over.

Thankfully, he took the hint and ran out of my bedroom.

I closed my eyes and was just about ready to return to dreamland when I heard footsteps running towards my bedroom.

“Alright, alright,” I said throwing the covers off of me, “I am up.”

I planted my feet on the floor and with a large sigh, I shuffled my feet towards the kitchen.

There was one thing on my mind, coffee.

It had been a rough night with lots of little visitors including two that thought that 3am was a good time to wake up and start their day.

I needed coffee to start my brain functioning so that I could safely make breakfast without burning the house down because a caffeine starved brain and a toaster is a dangerous combination.

“Mommy,” Quinn said stopping fast in front of me.

I looked down at him and put my finger to my lips, “Shhhhh…” I said.

“But mommy,” he began with an appalled look on his face, “Claire stuck her finger in her butt and made me smell it.”

I just stood there looking at him.

“Mommy. Claire put her finger in her ‘agina butt and made me smell it,” Quinn said. “Her ‘agina!”

I stood there dumbfounded my brain barely comprehending what Quinn was saying to me when another child spoke up.

“Mommy,” Jake said as he came out of the bathroom, “the toilet won’t flush any more.”

“What?” I said trying to shake my confusion off from what Quinn told me and pay attention to what Jake was telling me.

Jake began to walk away and Quinn still stood their looking at me with horror about being made to smell a butt finger.

I looked at Quinn and made a mental note to deal with Claire and her new smell my finger trick but right now the toilet issue seemed more pressing.

Suddenly, my ears tuned into the fact that water was pouring on the floor which was confirmed visually as I rounded the corner and saw the toilet overflowing.

“Jacob!” I screamed. “What in the world happened here?”

“Mommy, I put all the toilet paper in the toilet,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Why?” I asked curiousity getting the better of me.

“Mommy, there were two turds that won’t go away so I had to put all the toilet paper in there,” he said as he bounced away.

With the bathroom floor getting wetter by the second, I searched for the plunger but of course, didn’t find it.

So I did what any person would do, I reached in the toilet and pulled out a wad of toilet paper the size of my head.

Instantly the water was sucked in and down in a flush.

I threw the toilet paper wad in the trash, washed my hand, growled at a smiling Jake, gave Quinn a sympathetic touch as to say, yeah I know ‘agina’s can be stinky I own one and then headed right to the coffee maker.

I needed coffee before the next “Mommy” happened.

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  1. Rachael says:

    Love ur heart! I get u, babe! With two 22mo and one 4 yo we have MANY “Mommy” moments. Loved it!

  2. I will send you coffee. Stat.

    I need coffee, just reading that.
    Alison@Mama Wants This´s last blog post ..Why BlogHer should come to Southeast Asia

  3. I dont drink coffee but would have drank 7 cups after that morning!!!!!
    Momma´s last blog post ..A trendsetter.

  4. That sounds like the worst morning ever. Seriously. I might have considered making a run for it.
    Practical Parenting´s last blog post ..Emotional Regulation (Tips for helping kids cope)

  5. I’d say you could’ve used an intravenous drip of coffee that morning! Wait, you could make that happen, couldn’t you? hehe.

  6. That sounds a morning nightmare. Glad you handle it very well. :) Thank you for sharing your great stories. I love reading it all!
    Nicole@ Kids Bedroom Furniture World´s last blog post ..Childrens Bunk Beds

  7. When I finished reading this post, I thought, “I love the way Jen tells a story. I never know where she’s going to go with it, and the ending is always a good surprise.”

    I hope you don’t have to stick your hand in the toilet tomorrow morning.
    Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog post ..I moved 2 tons of rock and I feel great.

  8. OMG!! I had a bad night, hell, a bad week. But that does not compare to the first half hour (or so) of your day!
    Kmama´s last blog post ..Humdinger

  9. Pamela Gold says:

    I love you for posting this! And mommy moments rule, mostly!
    Pamela Gold´s last blog post ..Flipflop Chardonnay

  10. Mornings should not be that exciting! hope your coffee tasted good :)
    Emmy´s last blog post ..Major Parental Fail

  11. You win for worst morning ever.
    Jennifer´s last blog post ..Share Your Awesome, Brittany Ciara

  12. So, I’m curious, how was the rest of THAT day? I mean really…. what a beginning!!!!
    Elaine´s last blog post ..We just went in to pick up a few things…

  13. When started reading this, I thought…man, The heavens will sing when our kids can make themselves breakfast!

    But, well, it looks like you had more on your hands than breakfast :)

  14. Holy hectic morning! I really couldn’t stick my hand in the toilet! AAHHH!
    Amy´s last blog post ..wardrobe malfunction

  15. You shocked me with Quinn’s comment and I laughed when I read that you were trying to process that thought and deal with the toilet water. Too funny. Now I understand why parents don’t have alarm clocks. They have the Mommy call instead.
    Aleta´s last blog post ..Happiness Is Family

  16. Oh lord. I’m laughing hysterically while shaking my head. I don’t know how you do it lady (other than you know, you have to). You’re my hero.
    Amber´s last blog post ..The Sign Revisited.

  17. what a bad morning you had! but actually, i love your littel stories (conversations) – every time i learn something new!
    sapir´s last blog post ..Lose Weight Easily

  18. Dealing with poop and pee situations before coffee is terrible. The other day I had a vomit situation first thing. That sucked.

    This post had me laughing!
    dollimama´s last blog post ..Dear Blogger, You Suck

  19. The next time I feel complaining about a hectic morning I’ll try to remember your experience. That’s what a ‘stinky’ morning really is! :D

  20. I think I would have added a bit of something to that coffee, if I were you LMAO!
    Charlene@Adventures In Mommy Land´s last blog post ..Nathan is Sharing Some of His Favorite Crafts Ever Today

  21. Your kids. I just love them. They are absolutely hysterical.
    Cheryl´s last blog post ..Basketball karaoke

  22. Geez! I might have turned right around for the bed again!
    Rebecca @ Unexplained X2´s last blog post ..Sunday Somethings

  23. I have so been there. Coffee is my bestest friend, too.
    kp´s last blog post ..Fill In the Blank Friday

  24. gglad you got your coffee! What a funny mommy post! :)
    Just Cherish Today´s last blog post ..Adorable Baby Shoes. . .

  25. this is brilliantly funny. awesome post. it’s crazy how amazing “mama” sounds the very first time we hear it…and then somehow a few years later “mommy” can be one of the worst sounds in the world. thank god for coffee.

  26. Oh my god, for me it’s very clear, you need coffee!. Kids are good to generate big loads of stress to their mothers :)
    Jose´s last blog post ..BlackBerry Torch

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