I walked into the restaurant and surveyed the area. I shifted the wiggling toddler from one hip to another as I noticed each and every thing on the floor that he could use to cause some damage.
Pencil on the floor goes into the outlet.
Fork laying next to a chair now stabbed into the padding.
Butter container popped open and smeared all over the floor.
Restaurants are really not good places for toddlers but I really wanted to meet my friend for lunch. She was only in town for a short while and this lunch date was my one and only chance to spend time with her. I had wanted to find a babysitter for Hayden but it just didn’t work out.
I knew Hayden wouldn’t tolerate a very long lunch but I had all my tricks up my sleeve. I had my mommy bag packed with all kinds of things I knew he couldn’t resist, books, crayons, crackers, m&m and even some play doh.
We were seated at a table and lunch was served fairly quickly. Hayden ate and my friend and I chatted about life and kids and how much we missed each other. Things were going so well, I decided that there was time for coffee and dessert.
But while we sipped our coffee, Hayden rapidly plowed through all the toys and books and was getting antsy in his seat. In one last ditch effort to extend time with my friend, I did what any mother with a bored toddler would do. I took Hayden out of his seat, sat him on the floor close to my feet and opened my purse.
Knowing that this was like me handing him some forbidden fruit, Hayden dove in head first.
My friend and I both smiled at his enthusiasm and turned our attention back to our conversation. Every once and a while I would glance at him as he happily shook my keys and pulled cards out of my wallet.
As I munched on the piece of pie I ordered for dessert, I saw something white whiz through the air out of the corner of my eye. I looked down at Hayden but he was chewing on my comb so I thought nothing of it and I went back to the pie.
Suddenly, as I brought my coffee cup to my lips, a tampon landed on the table just as if it fell out of the sky. Both my friend and I looked at each other with our mouths hanging open. I reached up to quickly cover up the tampon on the table and looked around to make sure that no one saw it.
Then another tampon flew through the air like a white rocket with a string tail flying in the wind.
I looked around the table and floor and saw them all peppered with tampons, wrappers and applicators.
Then I looked down at my son.
He had figured how to hit the bottom of the tampon applicator just right to make it into a little rocket launcher.
I pushed back my chair and scrambled to pick up all the carnage just as a man turned around at the table next to us. He was holding a tampon by the string that was soaked from landing in his tea. “Here, you don’t want to forget this one,” he said.
I gave him a nervous laugh and wanted to crawl into the the tampon wrapper and hide.
I took the tampon from him, shoved it in my bag, picked Hayden off the floor and ran out of there my friend close on my heels.
Once we were safely out of the ‘fly zone’, we both busted out laughing. I laughed so hard, I nearly dropped Hayden.
I guess that is one place I can never show my face again.
Hayden totally didn't need one of those
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
The embarrassment we suffer as moms is so worth the humor later. My sister as a toddler, once used a tampon to lead the music in church right next to mom who was the chorister.
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
I guess there are more uses for tampons than just stopping bleeding.
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awesome! I love it! I would have busted out laughing too! I mean, what can we do? We are women! We need tampons!
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I have never laughed out loud so hard! I am posting on facebooking, re-tweeting and possibly renting a skywriter for this one. I was blushing for you! What we won’t do for a little time with our friends! Love it!
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That is all sorts of awesome…especially when it’s happening to someone else
I would’ve been mortified!
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Cracked. Me. Up.
Excellent job writing this post!
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That is so great! And to think of all you’ve survived since. You’re a pro!
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Lol! Oh I would have been 20 shades of red.
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Oh man. Too funny. I just read this to my husband and he spit popcorn out and onto the tv. To be a fly on the wall of that restaurant…
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As soon as I read the line, “Things were going well, so I decided that there was time for coffee and dessert,” I audibly said, “Oh no!” Coffee and dessert is the kiss of death! But I this story is priceless. Hilarious too, but maybe still too soon to laugh at your shagrin?
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
I know, I should have left after lunch and not pushed it but in my defense, I was a new mom. This actually happened with my oldest who is 6, was a toddler. I now know better.
And yes, I can totally laugh at this now, almost 5 years later.
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Can I just come and hang out with you? I’d love to. For like a week.
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What in the world were you doing with all of those tampons in your purse? I used to carry like two for backup and that was it. I am SO glad I don’t need those anymore because I can totally see that happening to me.
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I don’t know why I have so many but I usually just take a half box and dump it in my post so I will always be prepared.
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Oh my gosh!! That is the funniest kid story I have ever heard!!!!
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HA! I am laughing with you not AT you. Really, I am.
One time I did a similar thing with my daughter. She took out pantiliners from my purse make up bag, peeled off the backing and made lovely artwork all over the wall.
Mortifying!!!!
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JEN! THIS IS INSANE!!!! And one landing in the tea?!?! I bet you were mortified when that mad turned around!
I just stumbled this post. Fan-TASTIC!!
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Well, now I know what I’m doing next time I’m bored in a restaurant.
Your son’s a revolutionary.
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Could you do this in the place that I spoke of so that I can go in there again?
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Funniest story!!!! Would have loved being there as an viewer of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hysterical! I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this but back in the day when Coop was just crawling I’d be in the bathroom and he’d obviously come in (since I haven’t used the loo without an audience in 6 years now) and to try and get him to stay out we’d play fetch with tampons. I’d toss them outside the bathroom door and he’d scurry off the retrieve them. Gave me a little extra magazine reading time. Uh, how the mighty have fallen….
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
You know, what ever you have to do to entertain the kids.
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I would have loved to see that, but glad it was not me!
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Bwwwaaahhh ha ha ha!!!
“Sure, Mommy, I’ll be quiet, if you let me have your rocket launcher again!”
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That is beyond hilarious!
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I just choked and spit my Diet Coke everywhere. You crack me up.
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Wow. Hope the pie was good
I’m with Jennifer. I think I have one extra tampon, like stuck in the icky bottom of my purse, along with discarded fruit snacks and Hot Wheels.
You were a Girl Scout, weren’t you?
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Jen Reply:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Let’s just say I have been caught too many times with nothing so now I am over prepared.
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OMGosh – I was laughing so hard reading this! Thank for suffering that embarassment and still posting about it!!
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That is hilarious! But I’m glad it didn’t happen to me.
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Now I want to have another baby so that I can let them play with a box of tampons!
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oh my gosh that’s hilarious!!
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HILARIOUS!
Your son is quite clever. I think tampon makers have been missing out on a key demographic—toddlers. All the tampon makers would have to do is invest in a little repackaging and tampon rockets…wait, T-ROCKETS! would be flying all over every restaurant, library, grocery store, etc…
Just you wait, they’ll be on every kid’s holiday shopping list next year.
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This has sitcom episode written all over it! What a good laugh!
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Oh man… you do know, as soon as I’m finished typing this, I’m going to go see if this works with mine. Is there a specific brand that would work best? lol
I just saw your video on the SITS site too, and let me tell you, I laughed stupid hard. Even my husband came in to watch the bear sing.
What did you end up getting tattooed?
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I’m sorry you went through that but I am SO GLAD you have a blog to share the story with the world! This made my day!!
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oh. my. freaking. goodness! These are the moments where you are just thinking “Why me? Why is it always ME?” hilarious!!
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