I found out that I was pregnant the day before Thanksgiving. The treatments had finally worked. No more hormone shots. No more every other day blood work. No more uncomfortable vaginal ultrasounds. No more wondering if I would get pregnant. No more being disappointed.
I was pregnant again for the second time. My HCG levels had been low but steadily rising. Even though the treatments put me in a high risk for multiples, with the lower HCG levels meant that this really wasn’t possible.
I was so anxious. I just wanted to be reassured that everything was alright and that there was just one baby. I wanted to see that little heart beat.
The last twelves weeks of the treatments had been an emotion hell for me. The constant worry and wonder if I would be able to get pregnant. How far would we need to take this? Could I be alright with just one child? Would I be able to adobt a child? Could we afford this? As I watched the woman cry with her husband, I too felt a tear run down my cheek. I knew the reason she was crying, I could feel her pain. Because I had been there, I was there.
I disrobed and waited for the doctor. I folded my arms over my belly and said a little prayer, “Please God let the baby be alright. Please God let me just see a strong beating heart.”
When was your blood work drawn?
And so on, as he reviewed my charted. I room was quiet for a moment while he read and then suddenly he looked up and said, “Alright then, lets have a look.”
My heart raced with anticipation and fear. “Please God…..” I prayed and he slipped in the probe and moved it around to find what we were looking for.
“Well, I think we have hit the jackpot!” He said.
I was so busy preparing my heart for bad news, for something to be wrong that it took me a moment to realize was he was saying. When the word ‘jackpot’ registered, I opened my eyes a looked at the screen.
When I saw the screen, I knew. I saw two small beating hearts on the screen. Not one but two babies. All I could think was “two babies, two babies.” Then the doctor spoke again, “Well, I see two here and then there is something else.”
I whipped my head towards the screen as in that moment the reality hit me. “Something else? Something else? Please God let it be a tumor.”
“Yup, yup there it is. See there? Its another heartbeat. So we have three strong beating hearts,” the doctor said as he verified each one. “So, I would say that you hit the jackpot. Congratulations. Everything looks good so far but I will want to see you again in two weeks.”
And with that he handed me the picture of the three bean looking babies and left the room. It was then that I remember that Jeff was sitting in the room with me. I looked over at him sitting in the corner, still and quiet as a mouse. I hopped off the table and got dressed.
We walked out of the room, made the follow up appointment, laughed when the receptionist said, “Wow, three babies. That’s awesome,” and headed out to the parking lot.
As we approached our cars, I looked at Jeff and finally spoke, “So what do you think?”
Jeff looked up at me and said, “I can’t talk now. Later. Later, we will talk. Bye.” And with that he lightly kissed me on the cheek, got into his car and drove off.
I then walked back to my car and once I was safely inside, I cried. I cried for joy. I cried for fear. I cried for Hayden. I cried for the unknown. I cried for the three babies. I just cried.
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This brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine, but I do remember the tears of joy at seeing just one beating heart. This is my first time on your blog and this was the perfect story for me to start with. I can’t wait to read all of the stories.
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