Alright.
I am just going to do this.
I am just going to write all the thoughts that are swimming around in my head because I need to release them.
I feel like in life, you have to grow. You have to change. You have to set goals, strive to be better, always work towards the next thing.
When I was younger, I worked towards graduating nursing school, getting married and beginning my career as a nurse. Once I met those goals, I focused on becoming a mother.
I achieved that goal and then was faced with the challenge of how to mother triplets and their big brother. I have not mastered this skill but the challenge of managing three infants and their toddlers brother… that is done.
Piece of cake.
Now I am in the middle of life. The kids have school, Jeff has work, I have work and the house and we just go through life. We have a schedule, we have a routine, each day we know what is coming and tackle homework, housework and extra-curricular activities.
Each week it is the same, each month we replay.
Same thing over and over again.
Middle life.
I feel stuck.
There is no goal to reach for anymore.
There is nothing that I need to achieve.
I have done what I set out to do as a young kid.
Even here in this space, my blog, I am stuck.
There is no challenge.
I have no goal to strive for.
I feel lost.
Am I going crazy?
What is my next step?
What is my new challenge?
I feel like I am loosing my mind. I am bored. I hate my job but yet what do I want to do next?
I have no idea.
I am almost to the point where I hate this blog but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to quit. I do love writing stories, making people laugh, being an example of how it can be done but I have no goal. What is the next step? Where do I take it from here?
I hate feeling like this.
It’s probably the time of year.
This time of year has always been hard for me.
February and March are so dull and grey. I find myself screaming for something different, something new.
I will take drama, illness, sadness, happiness, craziness… anything to make life interesting.
Am I alone?
Am I the only one who feels like?
Am I just being whiny?
Maybe someone should slap me and bring me ice cream.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
No one should slap you. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel how you do. We all get into the every-day rut. It’s not wrong to want something exciting and different on occasion.
Hope you find your spice soon!
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I think it’s perfectly normal. In fact, this is usually the time of year I start planning our vacations for the year…just to have something to look forward to, something that gets us out of the rut. It feels like groundhog day every single day but with the little mini-vacations here and there, it does help lift my spirits.
Hope you find something that brings that smile back!!
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:40 am
Oooo…. vacation!
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This may not be what you want to hear right now as it sounds like you are a goal driven person. A tangible goal. When I stopped working (which I too have ALWAYS done) I felt guilty…then I realized I had to look at my goals differently. I had a husband and daughter (yes…just one…KUDOS to you for 4!) to care for. So my new goal? To love deeply and to be God’s ambassador for my daughter to find her way. They are huge. Your children and your husband are not the people they are without you…look deep inside them for your new goals.
too cheesy? Sorry!
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:40 am
Thank you for these words. I love your perspective.
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Leah aka FFPMaMMa Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Read this post today and thought of you.
http://thegypsymama.com/2012/01/because-words-can-build-a-bridge-or-why-i-blog-and-why-you-should-too/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29
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I’ll bring you the ice cream but no slapping, k?
I think you can find another goal to attain if you try. I kinda felt this way too and running fills the void for me somewhat… for ME anyway… maybe you could pursue another creative outlet… another type of goal… just thinking here…
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I hear ya! Middle Life. I’m in the same place. I’d love to sit down and have a good yak about this over wine. Shame about those ocean divides huh? I’d bring ice-cream too. How about a parenting book? Or stories from the family frontlines? You are a nurse and have a wonderful humorous writing style. Just sit on it and keep mulling. You’ll come up with something perfect, I’m sure.
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You need to RENOVATE! Overhaul your house, knock down walls, add on rooms, paint ceilings, and live in a tiny caravan with your family while you complete all that.
Or you could just keep that idea as a threat – “Listen, self, snap out of it, or I’ll make you renovate.”
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:35 am
My husband would hate me and I would have to find a money tree but you may be onto something here… time for a home improvement project!
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I am the exact same way! I always need a goal or something exciting to look forward to. I don’t necessarily want drama but I’d take it just to feel like I’m living and not just plodding along the same course. That’s why I’ve decided I’m going to run in a charity race. I am NOT a runner so this is a very difficult endeavor but it’s a goal and it’s (hopefully) attainable and I really like having something to strive for. The only downfall is come April 1 I’m going to need a new goal because no way in hell am I continuing this running thing! I just have to get to April 1!
But I also like Crazy Sister’s idea! Renovate the shit out of your house! That’s always good for drama, illness, sadness, happiness, and craziness!!
Good luck!
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:36 am
I should make my physical fitness a goal but I just like chocolate, cake and ice cream too much and hate running.
But getting fit would be a goal none the less.
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you need to find something to achieve. A new goal. I’ve been feeling the same funk. I decided that once I can get everything situated I just might have to take up sword fighting. no joke. I found a place down the road that offers lessons.
Do something crazy. Something to get you jazzed up. And don’t you dare quit this blog! I love coming over here to read what’s new!
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:37 am
Thank you… and no worries. I have no plans to actually stop blogging. Maybe slow down or a break but not stop.
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No you’re not being whiny! Although for me, I crave normal… So much of our life is running on adrenaline, juggling life and just trying to survive the crazies and chaos that when the drama stops, so do I. I easily become the laziest of lazy. At those times I need someone to point out the obvious – now is the time to do all those things you always dream about doing but never have the time!! Oh, and ice cream never hurts either!
Hang in there, I’m sure you’ll figure something out!
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I think this is a feeling that many mothers feel—I know I have felt it many times in the last few years. Our lives are not our own, and we come last in the grand scheme of priorities. We are the supporter, the cook, the cleaning woman, the therapist, the bread-winner, the list goes on . . . When we have a moment of downtime to really think about it, we feel there is nothing there to fill the quiet. You are not alone. WE are not alone. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. I know that for myself, I look for a new outlet, something to put my energy into—the Ancestry.com family tree, photobooks online, exercising, reading a great book series, arranging a weekly lunch date with a friend, kickboxing class (that was very short-lived)—just find something that might make you feel like it is for YOU.
Thank you for being so incredibly honest about what you are going through.
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:38 am
Thank you for your kind words and support.
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You are NOT alone. There are certainly days when I feel exactly the same way. The winter is hard for me as well February and March dragging out like being pregnant and passing your due date. We all have our moments of wanting or wondering if there is more out there, more we should accomplish even if we haven’t a clue what that is. However, sometimes it’s okay to just allow yourself the space to be where your at and strive for contentment in those moments. Look at it with a sense of true accomplishment instead of “what now?” Certainly try to continue writing if its in your heart to do so. I’d miss all your funny stories. In the meantime get some ice-cream and get skip the slap.
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:38 am
Deal. My life is seriously missing ice cream.
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I felt that way. So I went back to graduate school, then before I finished my first semester, we found out we were expecting.
Now, we are full of things to work toward.
Perhaps your moment of change is coming. Patience.
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A worthy goal indeed is potty-training the children. But wait, there is more! I can’t speak to setting new goals, but think of what is still to come. Making dozens of cupcakes for birthdays! Gifts for the teachers! Taking off training wheels!
It’s not middle life yet – you are not yet 50 are you?
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Oh yes. I get it.
A friend of mine calls this “nexting”
How we look for the next big thing to accomplish. It’s hard to just be content with the daily grind…the endless repetitive sameness. I’m terrible at it. I get bored even in the midst of all the busy. So yeah, I hear you.
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Jen Reply:
February 29th, 2012 at 9:39 am
I love knowing that I am not alone with these feelings.
Besides, calming my soul this is why writing things out it so awesome. You find support.
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