“Is there a word that you don’t like?” I asked Jeff one night as he climbed into bed.
“Um, no” Jeff said while giving me his ‘what in the world is this woman talking about now’ look, “Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering because my friend Jackie’s husband doesn’t like the word penis. He is just disgusted by the word so much that she is not allow to say it in front of him,” I answered.
“Isn’t that just weird for a guy not to like the name of his body part?”
Jeff snorted as he said, “I don’t know how weird it is. Its not like you think ‘vagina’ is such a beautiful word?”
“Well, no.” I said. “I don’t think its a ‘beautiful word’ but it is what I got and I am going to say it because its anatomically correct. Plus, what else is he going to call his penis?”
And that right there my friends was when I opened the door for Jeff to do what he does best and take things way to far. With that last question, Jeff just smiled, took a big deep breath and said,
” Well, how about… burrowing bishop, family jewels, one-eyed willy, one-eyed trouser snake, wally, the one-eyed wonder weasel, pork sword, skin flute, twig and berries, kibble and bits, white-hot love truncheon, dong, stiffie, dick, tadger, prick, willy, John Thomas, piece of pork, wife’s best friend, percy, cock, crank, little general, purple-helmeted warrior, The Bald Avenger, magic missile, yogurt-spitting cyclops….”
He took another breath, opened his mouth to start again just as I slapped him and gave him my ‘yeah, you see the line, you totally stepped over it’ look.
As I turned over to settle in to go to sleep, I heard Jeff starting to giggle beside me.
“What?” I asked my tone laces with annoyance.
“I forgot one,” he said in between giggles.
And again, I didn’t stop. I opened the door and helped him cross that line even more, “What?”
“My Junk,” and with that Jeff busted up laughing shaking the bed with each belly laugh.
I turned fully over, pulled the covers up to my chin, having learned a very valuable lesson.
Never ask a man another name for penis.
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh dear Lord. I hadn’t heard of most of those, and some I only recognised from Monty Python’s Penis Song.
Every time I see one of your posts that features Jeff speaking, I know we’re in for a treat!
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So awesome. He and P need to meet. They could go all night.
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You totally should have known better. The big question is how many of those has he taught the boys?
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Jen Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Fortunately, none…. yet.
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That yogurt one was HI.LARIOUS! OH MY!
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That list was….AWESOME.
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I’m so glad to hear my husband isn’t the only one. He could go on and on. He’s so juvenile. Keeps me laughing, though.
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Ya you totally walked into that one!!
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I think I like the word dong. Ha!
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They do seem to have 100 names for it, don’t they?
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My dad taught my boys “taliwacker”. So the adolescent part of a man never seems to grow up…or diminish!
On the other hand, my very sweet and innocent mother was too embarrassed to say penis (as I had taught my boys the proper term). So, one day they came home saying “peeper”. So that takes ALL the sex out of that organ….
Plus, my personal favorite is “Howard”.
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So LMAO!!!!!!!! Men.
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OMG that was too funny
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Hilarious! And now (thanksverymuchJen) I will have Monty Python’s penis song in my head for days. But I loved this post!!!
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Beware the bald avenger!!!! I love it. So funny. I’ll be laughing all day. What guy doesn’t like the word penis???
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
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LOL! A lesson hard learned:-)
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I had no idea it could have that many names.
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Burrowing bishop and white-hot love truncheon are obviously the best ones.
Obviously.
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The Bald Avenger?!?! Oh, Jeff!
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I love Jeff…but not that way. You know cuz he’s funny.
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Pork sword. Awesome!
Around here it’s known as junk. Or diddlehonker. No idea why, but that’s what Tater chose as his favorite.
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This is hilarious! Did not know quite a few of those. Your hubby is very creative!
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I don’t know whether to laugh or actually be a little disturbed at how many names he knows. Hope he never teaches them to the kids!
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I can only imagine my dh’s list….LMAO
My dh doesn’t like the word “panties.” And so of course, I find every excuse to say it.
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Boys never grow up, do they?? From all of the comments, it sounds as if each of us is married to a little boy in a man’s body.
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LMAO! That is awesome!
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My junk?…now there’s one you don’t want to be saying to a woman when you’ve only just met her! lmao!
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Gross and hilarious. I always thought “pedro” was a funny name for it. My son calls it his “peep”, which left him seriously disturbed after a grocery store trip at Easter time….
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lmao! I’m not even going to mention this one to my hubby. I know better!!
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what? no tallywhacker?
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Nice! You definitely walked into that one, although we probably all have at some point, right? The yogurt one is hilarious!
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mwahahaha. Men. Seriously.
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Leave it to a guy to be able to rattle them off like that!
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