I would like to try and be a bloggy Ann Landers. I want to take a stab at answering a question. Now this question was not originally asked of me but Mama Kat posted it as a prompt for Writer’s Workshop so its open to anyone to give their two cents about. Plus, I am a sucker for a good blog discussion.
This is what Brea from Tomoka’s Treasure Trove asked.
I am new to the blogging world, having clocked up less than 2 weeks worth of posts, and I have just had an ‘Anonymous’ commenter slam me for blogging about my daughter, mentioning her by name, posting photos and up-to-date stories about her. I have not mentioned anywhere in my blog where we live, Country OR State, or what school she goes to. I have also seen, on several other blogs, that other parents do the same thing as me. Some even mention where they live. I was wondering, as a fellow blogger who posts about your family, what are your thoughts on the subject?
This is a very good question. I think that the answer for each person is different. Its a personal choice as to how much personal information we are going to but out there. Ultimately, you have to do what you feel comfortable with.
I look at it this way. I take my children out in public. I say their name out in public and they are visible by the public. I don’t feel that this is any different than what I am doing on the internet. I can take my kids to a restaurant play area and a man can watch them and whack off to them just as easily as he can by looking at their picture on the internet.
Is this something that I want? No.
Do I like to think about it? No.
Is it going to happen? I hope and pray that it won’t.
The world is full of bad people that do terrible things and there is no true way to protect my children from them. Not even, becoming hermits and totally taking them out of the world is 100% effective. If people want to hurt you then they will not matter what.
That being said, I think that as mothers who blog, we have to be responsible. We have to censor the photos that we put out there. Don’t put a naked photos of your child on your blog because then you are just asking for trouble. I think that you also need to monitor your traffic. A site that has your children on it, should have a good site meter on it so that if a suspicious url keeps coming to your blog, then you can block them.
One thing that you have to remember about blogging is that if you are going to have a public blog, people are going to have an opinion about things that you do and they are going to want to tell you what those opinions are. And sadly, they are going to do it anonymously. These people are usually cowards and don’t want to give you a chance to respond.
So I say, take away their plat form. Don’t allow anonymous comments. It’s your blog, be responsible and post what you want to.
So what is your opinion on this issue. What advice do you have for Brea?
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I kind of feel like it’s that you know it when it happens sort of thing. I’ll know if I cross the line. So far I think I’m okay. (Hope.) I use my kids real names and talk in a general sense about where we live… but I don’t put our last name out there and I am careful about the pictures I post. Also, I try not to post things that will make my kids upset when they get older.
p.s. love the new look Jen
MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..A (non) Update.
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Jen Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
I often think about what my kids will think about some of the stuff that I post. They are probably going to be embarrassed but it is my little for of pay back for all those sleepless nights.
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i agree with you i also have pics of my kids and use their names but try to be careful about what type of info I give out. I try to blur the front of his baseball shirt so not to show the place we play for. I agree it is up to each parent how they handle it and btw I hate anonymous and have been lucky with my blog and haven’t had any one hating on me.
Joy´s last blog ..Drake
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I say… well said! I think you hit the nail on the head. You can’t live your life in constant fear of what could have happened. Be responsible, be aware, but most of all… have some fun!!
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Jen Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Thanks, mama! And as you know, I have plenty of fun.
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Michelle Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 10:17 am
I completely agree!
Michelle´s last blog ..I Am Being Featured Today
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I generally agree with you. I would have used my kids’ names but my husband asked me not to. I do put the metro area that I live in but with more than 4mil people in the central counties, I’m not that worried about it. I do like to know at least the state bloggers are in (for the US), for me it makes it a bit more real if I can connect their words with a picture of the environment. I have some regular visitors to my blog that live in towns very near me but have never commented, which I find oddly frustrating HAHA!
Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..I’m sorry Hubs – sort of
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Jen Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
I have the same issue but I know that they are probably people that I work with. My blog is public knowledge in my real life. Shoot, I promote it on the back of my car.
Yes, I know I may have some issues.
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First of all – LOVE the new look over here girl – it’s FABULOUS!!!
I TOTALLY agree. My husband and I always say that if people want to find you they will find you no matter what. I have talked about where we live and sometimes that bothers me a little but again, people could probably figure it out anyway…
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I just make sure I have my kids’ permission to post about them, now that they’re in middle school. Sometimes they’re flattered, many times embarrassed. I don’t use their names but I am sure it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out via photo links etc.
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I am way too liberal with my kid’s names etc…I started out trying to be vague and have cute nicknames, but my youngest is somewhat “famous” in town because of his rough start at life and the way the community banded together on his behalf…it felt silly to not use his name when it was all over donation jars in every store in the mall and in the newspaper.
I suppose I just think that with my huge dog and the redneck arsenal of weapons around here (plus swords) (oh and large husband) I would hope MY house isnt the one some weirdo came looking for offline.
sorry you got a crummy comment so early in your blog start though. That really sucks.
Mindy~
mindy´s last blog ..his first fat lip
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I don’t allow anonymous comments… AND I moderate my comments. I don’t use my kids real names and I don’t really want my family or friends to slip up and use them either.
Plus I have gotten some rather umm… choice comments that I am glad no one ever got to see.
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I’m one of those who uses my kids’ names. I probably would have chosen pseudonyms if I had given that any real thought when I started the blog but 340 posts later, I can’t be bothered to change them. In the beginning, I was blogging just for family who lived far away and things have grown and changed. I don’t use our last name or ever name the city we live in, but as others have mentioned, if someone wants to find you, they’ll find you no matter what.
Still, sometimes I wonder about all I’m putting out there…
But, I also must admit that I feel far more connected to other mom blogs who use their kids’ actual names. Makes the stories more real to me and I feel like I’m really connecting with them as people.
CynthiaK´s last blog ..And here I thought I was a good cook
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Jen Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I like this too.
As you know, I use my kids real names. I actually never thought that I shouldn’t.
And its way too late to go back and change them.
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I totally agree…I have never even considered making up names. =)
Summer´s last blog ..dark side & tattoos
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I enjoy reading many blogs where people use their actual names and post pictures of their family and I feel that if you’re comfortable using those in your blog, then by all means, go for it! That being said, however, I am a “nameless, faceless blogger”- and no one close to me knows that I blog at all! It just gives me more freedom to share and write from the heart knowing that my identity isn’t tied to my blog- but that’s just me!
Three Times The Fun´s last blog .."Press 2 For English"….. Or At Least A Version Of English….
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Jen Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Sometimes, I wish that I was an annoynomus blogger. It would make things a little easier. I do censor what I put out there because of this but not much.
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I totally agree…and you made a great point about our children being out in the public eye everyday when we take them places. Honestly, I think that puts them at more risk than having their picture on a blog.
I mean, really….you could be at the park and some wierdo could be taking a pic of your kid with his cell phone.
I use my kids real names…no last names. And I’m always monitoring my traffic and so far, I’ve never had a problem.
Helene´s last blog ..The basics of customer service etiquette…
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My kids’ names are all made up.
Shoot I don’t even have kids.
I’m a robot.
Mama Kat´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: I Want To Be Fixed
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I agree 100% Jen – do it, but be careful. I also do not use their real names. although if you really study my blog you will find them. And the annons can comment elsewhere.
cat@juggling act´s last blog ..In the Air Tonight
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I agree with everything you said. What site meter do you use?
Do NOT post naked pictures (or at least censor them). I had a friend who TODAY posted a NAKED BATH VIDEO of her daughter on YOUTUBE. I’m sorry, I know we shouldn’t judge others, but I would NEVER put a naked video of my kids on youtube where anyone could see it. If I ever have had naked pictures of my boys (when they’re newborn or in the bath), I always either censor it or put it only on Facebook and set the privacy of that album to only friends (or only certain friends).
S Club Mama´s last blog ..tidbit tuesday
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Jen Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
I like to use SiteMeter and Stat Counter. If you google them you can find them or the buttons are in my side bars.
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I agree with you Jen! I don’t publish anything I don’t want to. Unfortunately, that means that some readers have to go through the verification process but I feel it is worth it.
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I try to live my life being aware and informed but not in fear. I don’t think being fearful is any way to live.
That being said everyone has to do what is right for them and their family.
I personally use nicknames for my kids that are derived from their real names. I know in videos we are talking and you can hear their real names but honestly I don’t care that much. I say I live in Baltimore but in a metro area with almost 3 million people, I am also ok with that. I don’t broadcast my last name but I suppose if you search hard enough you could find it. It is one of the most common last names in the U.S. and with a first name like Michelle there are tons of people with my exact first and last name. I don’t publish our phone number or address. I am not asking for the crazies to find me but really trust your gut if you’re ok with it do it and to heck with the anonymous commentors!
I am lucky enough to haven’t really had a naysayer anonymous commentor on my blog but maybe I disabled anonymous commentors from commenting in the beginning. Who knows.
Good luck to you!
Michelle´s last blog ..I Am Being Featured Today
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My blog is really for family and friends and I do not see much traffic at all, so my blog is more for me than for anyone else. I do not see it as different than sending out an email with the pictures/videos (which I still have to do as my mom cannot access my blog at her work). I guess I don’t worry about the weirdos and freaks. As long as my daughter is safe (and she is), they can’t harm her.
I know of someone who wouldn’t even put up pictures of her kids in her own house. Reason: if someone broke into her house, they would know what her kids looked like. That’s taking the paranoia a little far.
Wendy´s last blog ..Parent Teacher Conferences 2010
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I said a lot of what you said. I didn’t even think about the fact that we take them out in public, say (shout) their names, etc. That was an excellent point! Be smart and do what you feel comfortable with. Amen sister!
Lourie´s last blog ..You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
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I think it’s a personal prefrence thing. My family totally freaked out when they found out that I met someone on line and that he was flying down to meet me and that I would be moving to NC 19 days later to be with him. But meeting someone on line is no different than meeting someone in a bar and going home with them.
But…on the other hand, I deleted all my entries from my blog because I was worried about my in laws seeing it.
So…I’m all for the privacy thing, but it was hard for me to NOT share personal stories and pictures of what is going on in my life. I decided the hell with it! I started posting pics and stuff again. I’m just more careful about what I say about my in laws in my blog!
Blondie´s last blog ..What a beautiful wedding….
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Statistically speaking…most of the pervs who hurt, abuse, molest, abduct children are PEOPLE THE FAMILY ALREADY KNOWS. It’s Uncle Dave, or cousin Jordan, or Mom’s new boyfriend, or John the soccer coach; not a stranger from the internet.
I write under my ENTIRE real name! *gasp* Guess what? I’ve never seen a rusted out cargo van hanging out in my neighborhood. Our “Dateline” culture truly is ridiculous. Talk with your kids about strangers, teach them what’s appropriate touching and what isn’t, keep an eye on the adults in their life, and then stop freaking out over what if’s.
And remember, there are literally millions of mommy blogs all over the internet with billions of kids pictures. Mommy blogging isn’t exactly ground breaking stuff anymore. It’s all been done before.
Jaci´s last blog ..Pregnancy Week 30 – Weight Rant
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Jen Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Jaci,
I love this comment. You totally speak the truth!
*virtual high five*
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Good advice! The truth is some people are just controversial and feel the need to make others feel bad. I use my children’s names, have mentioned where we live and in one particular post even included a picture of my house. Do I think that any of this endangers my children’s lives or well being? NO, because as you said, I take them out in public, use their names in public, live on a public street…etc. I took anonymous comments off of my blog because I was getting rude comments about my opinion of Target and other such nonsense! Yes, my blog is public, but it is still my blog and I am going to post what I want. And I think others should do the same.
Lauren´s last blog ..Sour cream is my butter…
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Love it. Totally agree. To be totally safe we would have to lock ourselves in our homes and never communicate w/the outside world. But the trade-off isn’t worth making. I’d rather live life without worrying all the time. That doesn’t mean I should hand out full names, addresses, and schools…but you can be smart without being paranoid.
Eileen´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop – Craft Time!
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Great great advice.. and you are right.. it is much more likely to be someone that lives around you or a relative that would do something bad than some random stranger on the internet.
Emmy´s last blog ..New Look, Prizes and Awards
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Great advice Jen. I agree that everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with. One of the things I do to keep my blog a little more private is to keep it from being found during an internet search. Most of the people who come to my blog are the people who do the meme’s that I do and seem to be liked minded. I like that.
I try not to live life feeling paranoid that the boogie man is going to get me or my kids.
Also, I am always amazed when people report getting nasty blogger comments. So far this has not happened to me.
Michelle @ One Crafty Mama´s last blog ..Capturing shapes
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Jen Reply:
February 25th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I shouldn’t say this but I have never had a nasty comment either. I guess I am not controversial enough.
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I totally agree with everything you wrote. I once did a post called, ” When I grow up I want to be a nudist” and I had a pic of Emma running around naked (with smiley faces covering any “areas”). Anyway, i started to get LOTS of traffic to that particular post and I followed it back…to a pediphile site! I reported the site and removed to post from my blog. UGH
People are sick.
debi9kids´s last blog ..Sometimes We All Just Need a Laugh
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Good answer. My husband is very very paranoid so I’m not even allowed to post photos my son. I think he is overreacting but it was the one thing he asked from me when I started blogging so I respect it.
Jenners´s last blog ..My (Mercifully Brief) Stand-Up Comedy Career
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I just came across your blog courtesy of MammaKat’s website. Although issue was posted months ago, I thought I would share how I handle writing about my family.
When I began blogging, I didn’t think about “the bad people.” However, now I refer to my family members with alias names. My hubby is referred to as The Hubster, husband or KISA (knight in shining armour). My daughters are named Little Momma and Softball Diva. My son is referred to as Captain Awesome. It makes me smile when I write about them. Each nickname represents their individual personality. I also wrote a blog that explained why I named them their prospective names.
Syl´s last blog ..HALF-MARATHON TRAINING- WEEK ONE
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