The loss is still so fresh in my mind, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it is fresh in their minds too.
But they are children. They can’t remember where they set their cups two minutes after taking a drink but yet they can remember her dying four months ago?
Their questions and comment always catch me off guard. Most of the time, its like someone punched me in the stomach, taking my breath away.
“Mommy, can grandma see my curlers?” Claire asked one night as I tucked her into bed. I had to swallow hard before I could answer.
“Um, er, well….” I stumbled over my words.
“She can’t see ’cause she in heaven. And, and she is angel,” Claire said with a big smile.
“That’s right, sweetie. Grandma is an angel,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“Ou, sad ’cause ou miss her? I miss my grandma.”
The words got caught in my throat and all I could do was give her a big hug.
I miss her, too.
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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
well it wasn’t until I saw the photo that my own heart caught in my throat. So so so very much like MY mom with my kiddos. I”m so sorry for your loss, and sorry for your kids’ loss too. But what a gift, that they knew her, and knew her presence in their lives.
.-= Kirsten´s last blog ..Nothing new under the Sun =-.
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Sarah Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 6:13 am
Oh I second what Kirsten says here. It’s the photo that made my breath skip a beat. The joy in Grandma’s face is tangible and those kiddos are just eating it up.
Hugs to you. I know how hard it is.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..This is My Life- Laundry quandry =-.
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I think it was the “ou sad” that got me. This is probably the hardest thing that I can imagine (and a big possibility for me) – losing your mother. I’m so sorry. But I’m so glad that you have those bright and shiny new little people in your life to keep things golden, moving forward, full of possibility. And yes – she is an angel and she totally noticed the curlers (I’m not particularly religious – but I do believe that with all my heart).
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It must be so hard to explain that to your little ones. My 2 year old never got to meet his grandma and I know one day I’ll have to have a similar conversation with him. My heart aches for you as I know how hard it is to be a mom without a mom.{{hugs}}
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I lost my grandmother last year and she was able to see all my children but my last one and everytime I think of that it makes me sad. A loss of such a close person especially a mother is always fresh. Your story touched my heart
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I just watched the video of my dad from his funeral today, and tears sprang to my eyes….I still miss him so much.
.-= Summer´s last blog ..its a double rainbow- what does it all mean =-.
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. I don’t know how I”ll ever live without my mama
I’m sorry you lost yours, dear. So sad.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Yep yep- hop in my blog =-.
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My Gram just passed on Friday. This post is a beautiful tribute. And made me think of the wonderful memories I had with her.
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What a wonderful photo of the kids with their grandmother. After my father-in-law died, a family friend described “feeling the hurt radiating off” of my 4 year old son. It can be so hard for kids to understand death, but it’s great that you are there helping them to find some measure of comfort and understanding.
.-= Mrs.Mayhem´s last blog ..The Hottest New Porno Title =-.
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Sometimes we may think that children do not understand but the fact is, they may understand more than us; just that their perception may be different from us and thus questions arise. Wish for you the strength and goodness for your kind and sweet children.
.-= BK´s last blog ..Death is nothing at all =-.
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I’m sorry, Jen!
Very sweet photo.
.-= liz´s last blog ..Word Up- YO!- Edition 7 =-.
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My MIL passed away last November. My kids seem to be dealing with it well so far but youngest always catches me off guard with random questions about her in heaven.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Summer Road Trip – Part 1 Colonial Williamsburg =-.
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Jen…I’m deeply sorry for your loss…The photo is simply beautiful and will bring you comfort in the times ahead…it shows so much love…
Sending you loads of hugs….
.-= Dawn (Bee and Rose)´s last blog ..How Do Ya Like Me Now! =-.
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Oh, how sweet that Claire said that. She knew just what her momma needed! I know you all miss her a lot, but she’s not too far away.
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..Language- language =-.
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I never know what to say at times like this……so I’ll just leave you with a big cyber hug.
.-= Michelle @ One Crafty Mama´s last blog ..Busy as a Bee! =-.
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Jen Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
You don’t need to say anything, just knowing you and others are there is enough.
Thank you.
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I think it’s wonderful she was such an important part of their lives that they still remember and talk about her. I am sure she is looking down and thrilled they are still so much with her.
.-= Susan @ Sassafrassery´s last blog ..Wordless Thursday whatever =-.
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My Little One continues to ask about and talk about my dad almost a full year after he died. It is both touching and bittersweet. I think they will continue to bring it up (and I think you want them to at some level) for quite some time. Death is a big concept to get your head around.
.-= Jenners´s last blog ..My Adventures- 2 – Swimming With Dolphins =-.
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I know what you mean…I swear, I find myself thinking about my brother every day, so many times a day. About a week ago, while hubby’s brother was in town from CO, we were talking to the kids about siblings and helping them understand of their aunts and uncles were our brothers and sisters. I listed off my sis and 1 brother…and Sarah innocently asked (I’m really not sure she knew or if she was reminding me) if I had another brother. It was so hard to get out “Yes, Uncle Andy.” I wish my kids knew him better (he lived out of state) and I’d give anything for one more chance to see/talk to him.
*hugs* friend
.-= Barbara Manatee´s last blog ..Applewood- Part 1 =-.
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I lost my mom last year and I know what you’re and your kids are going through. Until now I sometimes talk about her like she’s still living accross town. Looking at your moms picture i can see that she is a loving woman. It will get better and soon the loneliness will fade and only love will remain.
.-= MommyJho´s last blog ..Weekend Socks! =-.
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What a touching post. My thoughts are with you as you continue to work through this.
.-= sara@domesticallychallenged´s last blog ..Colorado! =-.
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Hug! I am so so sorry. The picture is wonderful
.-= Emmy´s last blog ..Cooking Club- Dans Favorite Chicken Sandwich =-.
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(((HUGS)))
Much love Jen.
The pain will soften as time passes.
It never goes away, but it changes a little …
.-= debi9kids´s last blog ..20 Kids and Counting =-.
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Sweet Claire to be thinking of her. It sounds so tough.
.-= Crazy Sister´s last blog ..Disco For Tiny People =-.
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Oh Jen – love to you! It’s tough to deal with it, and even tougher to help them deal with it.
.-= cat@juggling act´s last blog ..A morning with the cousins =-.
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I’m so sorry
I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my mom at this point. I’d be completely lost…
I hate putting this on this particular post, but there is something over at my blog for you! Just wanted to show you how much I adore your blog!
.-= Pua´s last blog ..Well- lookie lookie here =-.
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*Hugs* *Kisses*. Thinking of you. It must be so hard still.
.-= Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..The Maid that doesn’t clean…say whaaaat =-.
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I can’t even imagine what a loss of that magnitude feels like. Thank you for reminding me of the fragility of life. We tend to get caught up on stupid things and take those closest to us for granted.
Sending hugs…
Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama
.-= Kristi {at} Live and Love…Out Loud´s last blog ..“OH NO HE DIDN’T!” Tuesday- From Misery to Missouri =-.
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I’ve already told you, but I am so sorry for your loss. As much as it breaks your heart to think about her being gone, it is really wonderful that she and your children had such a special connection that they still think and talk about her. May the memories always warm your heart.
That picture is absolutely precious.
.-= Mary Ellen´s last blog ..Highlights From our Trip =-.
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