“He needs to kick some ass and take some names,” I said to myself as I typed those words into my phone in a text to Jeff.
I don’t want to encourage my son to fight at school but something has to be done.
When words are not enough to stop a bully and adults aren’t helping, what else can I do?
Since Hayden began school, we have been dealing with him getting picked on at school or on the bus. It seems like Hayden is a target for mean kids to make fun of him.
This latest time is a kid on the play ground making fun of Hayden for playing ‘kitties’ with his friend.
“Mom, why does he make fun of me for something I love? That is just not right.” Hayden sobs into my shoulder, wiping his snotty nose on my shirt.
All I can do is hug him close and swallow back my own tears.
I have no answer for him.
He continues, “we try and run away from him but he follows us and starts again and when I go tell on him, he hides and the teachers don’t see.”
I hate seeing him so upset, it hurts my heart and makes me feel like a failure. I can’t protect him at school. I don’t know how to make this stop.
I want to get him my car and beat the every loving shit out of this kid. How dare he make fun of my child for playing and using his imagination. How dare he touch and hit my son out of anger.
Hayden avoids conflict like the plague. Even as a baby, when other kids would take a toy from him, he never cried. He just moved on to the next toy. He would rather give it up than cause trouble or make someone else sad.
He is not competitive and I am beginning to wonder about his self esteem.
Does he not think himself worthy of fighting back?
How do I show him that he is?
How to I teach him to stand up for himself?
Jeff and I have tried to give him tools to use. We have taught him about combacks and sass talking. We have told him to get angry and scream and yell at the bullies. We have said that fighting is not the answer but if someone hits you first, by God, hit them back.
Sometimes these things work but sometimes not and they don’t seem to keep new bullies from coming.
Hayden loves school and so far has not asked to stay home and never go back. He is a social person and craves that interaction with other kids.
I look at the pack mentality of my triplets and I wish Hayden would have been a multiple. Then there would always be a playmate for him, someone to help him stand up to the bullies. Jake, Claire and Quinn hate seeing Hayden so sad and often say, “We will help you, Hayden. We will make the mean kid stop!”
And I truly believe they will.
The videos and news stories of young kids, some as young as 11, committing suicide because the bullying was too much, hit so close to home for me. I can’t watch them without tears streaming down my face and sending up a prayer.
“Please, God. . . help me. Help keep Hayden from this pain.”
I often wonder, should I fight these battles for him?
I would in a heartbeat.
But is that the right choice?
Is that the way to teach him to be strong and to stand up for himself by me swooping in?
I want him to know that he can come to me and I will help him. Jeff and I are his number one supporters. I want him to see that we take this seriously and we are there for him.
He seems to understand but does he really?
There is an ache in my heart as I write this. . . I am at a loss. And as I sit here alone after putting the kids on the bus for school, sending Hayden back onto that play ground, I can no longer hold back the tears.
I have emailed teachers and made the school aware of the situation but it doesn’t seem like enough.
What else can do I because right now, it is taking every bit of will power I have not to drive to school and be by Hayden’s side.
*I just needed to Pour My Heart Out*