Betrayed by the Radio

“I’m a bitch. I’m a lover…” the radio crooned as I started up the van.

I quickly fumbled with the volume and tried to turn the radio off but it was too late. The little ears with me perked right up and asked, “Mom what does ‘bitch’ mean?”

Since it was Hayden was who asked the question and he is older, I felt like I could tell him the truth.

“It’s a name of a female dog,” I said.

“Mom, come on. Be serious,” he replied.

“Hayden, I am,” I said, “That is what a bitch means but sometimes people use it as a bad name to call girls so that is why it is not nice to say.”

Hayden looked thoughtful for a moment and then because he has the attention span of a chipmunk began to play with a random toy that he found on the floor of the van.

Betrayed by the radio.

As the kids have gotten older, it is becoming blatantly obvious that they are no long oblivious to what is being said on the radio. They are now old enough to pick up on the words and of course want to know what they mean.

What this means is that I have to be full on creative with how I answer them.

Fun’s “We are Young” is playing on the radio… “So let’s set the world on fire….”

Quinn horrified asks, “Mommy, why does that song say ‘let’s set the world on fire’?”

Great. Here comes a night full of nightmares from Claire because she is going through a phase where she is terrified that the house will catch on fire while we sleep. We pray every night that Jesus will not let this happen.

This one needs to be nipped in the bud and fast.

“They are just being silly.” I said loud enough for Claire to hear, “What they really mean is that they are going to go out and have a good time. No one is really doing to set the world on fire.”

Whew.

On and other outing, Jacob, without being prompted, starts singing… “Blow my whistle, baby. Blow it real slow.”

Thank you Flo Rida for that wonderful song.

“Jacob, please don’t sing that,” I ask him politely.

“Why mom,” he asks of course, leaving me to fumble for an answer and adds, “I like it when they blow my whistle.”

Oh good grief!

“Well, Jake. Whistles are loud and annoying and you don’t want to share yours because then someone could get your germs. You just keep your germs and your whistle to yourself.” I finally answered.

Fingers crossed that answer sticks.

Then there was the time that it was just me and Claire in the van. Only I forgot that Claire was with me because of a rare 5 minutes when she wasn’t talking and I sang the line, “Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise” from the Bruno Mars song ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ at the top of my lungs. I like that line. I think it’s hot… of course it is not appropriate for a five year old.

“Mommy, what does ‘sex takes me to paradise’ mean?” Claire asked.

I did a mental facepalm and scolded myself. Parent of the year, right here. And then I dug deep and summed all of my parenting creativity, praising Jesus that I was fully operating on a fully caffeinated brain.

“Honey, he was talking about a train. The number six train, take him to Paradise, which is a city,” I said.

I glanced in the rear view mirror, I was met with a ‘I’m not buying it’ look so I sang, “Yeah, your six train takes me to Paradise. Your six train…Choo Choo!”

It was then I vowed we would only listen to classical music in the van.

*This post is part of Writer’s Workshop*

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Comments

  1. bwhahahah.. when my niece was small Garth was big.. she loved him and his music.. especially ‘its that DAMNED ol’ Rodeo’ which of course she sang at the top of her lungs,just that word in that line.. yeah cute..

  2. That’s so funny. My kids sing “Sexy and I Know It” all the time, and they’re always asking what it means…..I usually change the channel and hope for a song that they can’t figure out the lyrics!

    • Oh yeah, that another one that they sing… thankfully they change the words to like, “I like pizza and I poop it.” Clever, I know.

  3. I miss the stage where the songs could go on without a curse word announcement after every curse.

    ” Mom!! THAT’S a bad word!!” complete with shock in their voice – like they’ve never heard one of those before…

    It’s not bad when I listen to the radio because the words are bleeped but when I listen to a cd…

    M

  4. Omg. hahahaha! Too funny. I especially love the whistle scenario. Cracking up. I had a similar situation… My girls were 3 and 1, and didn’t really understand the words to any songs on the radio yet…or so I thought. I was listening to Khia’s “lick it good” (I was even careful, and thought the girls were asleep in the car) ….then all of a sudden I hear a teeny tiny voice in the back seat sing ” Neck!! Back!! Crack!!”
    OMG. They have never EVER heard that song ever again. I think we switched to Dave Matthews and Metallica in the car after that. haha

    Coming to you from the link up.
    I’m #15.
    Xo

  5. My groom hums that ridiculous “Whistle” song.

    All. The. Freaking. Time.

    He has a death wish. I’m certain of it.

  6. LOVE this post! Especially the “Whistle” song…hahaha! Our time is coming…our oldest is almost 7 and just starting to pay attention to what we’re listening to on the radio. Time to erase “Motherlover” (Andy Samburg and Justin Timberlake) from the iPod!

  7. Oh we’re getting into it too! The other day that song that’s all “So what we get druuunk, so what we smoke weeeed, we’re just havin fun and we don’t care who sees”…I quickly changed the station. They were singing a little too clear and I just KNEW my kids would pick up on that language! Dodged a bullet.

  8. I HATE that whistle song. It is so catchy the kids pick it right up, and of course it is something I don’t want them to sing, and of course I can’t explain why. Although… I like your explanation.

  9. I’m going to be in SO much trouble when Noah is old enough to ask questions about music on the radio. I hate the whistle song, too.

  10. Hahahaha! I deal with these same types of questions. Lately I got, mom, why does that guy on the radio have his hands in his pants (we can thank Mr. Mars for that gem) or what does sexy mean? I wish I had witty come backs like you did! xo

  11. Oh my goodness your whistle answer is my favorite. I will sit here and giggle since I have years before I have to deal with any of this with my little guy. Hehe!

  12. Single Mom in the South says:

    Oh LAWD! You are so right! We listen to mostly country in the car, so it’s not as bad, but sometimes… *sigh*

    I will never forget the day (although I forgot the song and the words) that a student came shimmying into my classroom singing some popular song about sex. That was the moment, pre-kids, at 25 when I realized… cool, calm me bellowed, “This is NOT music class. No singing!” I scare the bejeezus out of her, but all I could think was that her mother would be MORTIFIED!

  13. hahahah this is so hilarious! i dont have kids yet but thanks for the tips for “some day” ;)

  14. LOL awesome – very quick thinking there. :)

  15. I know when I come to your blog, I’m in for a smile. I wasn’t disappointed! I’m always amazed at how adults can cover up for things that kids notice. I hope my brain will work as quickly!

  16. This is happening to us too. Pretty soon we’re not even going to spell things instead of saying them out loud.

  17. Oh yes, I can SO relate! The one that burned me was “Moves Like Jagger”. “Mom, why would someone take you by the tongue? That’s gross!!” Yeah…

    And yes, PLEASE keep your whistle to yourself for a long time. Damn radio.

  18. Lol! This is some of the reason I started listening to country, a little less risky. Though last week in the car Alex was singing “take me out back and get a little frisky”

    so yea– not full proof either.

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