It had been a rough morning. I was more than thrilled that it was nap time. The younger three were finally sound asleep. Hayden was in his room resting. The dishwasher was humming and it was time for me to sit down and spend sometime with my dear internet friends.
I logged on, opened up a few blogs to read when I hear thumping and jumping coming from Hayden’s room. *sigh* I stopped typing and listened. The noises stopped, I hoped for good, so I continued on with my reading and commenting.
Then I heard it again. More thumping. More bumping. More jumping. This was suppose to be quiet time. What in the world was he doing up there?
I heaved myself up from the desk chair and ran quickly but softly up the stairs.
“What in the world is going on up here?” I sternly said as I opened his bedroom door.
“Nothing,” Hayden said as he scurried back into bed. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
I put my hands on my hips ready to give him yet another lecture about how this was quiet time and that meant that he was to lay in bed quietly until rest time was over, when I saw it.
A picture from his wall had fallen down and cracked.
“Hayden, What happened this picture?” I asked as I crossed the room.
“The babies did it,” was his quick reply.
And there it was a flat out lie. Hayden has been lying a lot lately and I am really not sure how to handle this. Some lies like this one, where he was the only on in his room and the babies couldn’t have possibly knocked that picture down, are easy to catch but others are not so easy.
I have tried to tell him that lying will only get him in more trouble. Each time I catch him in a lie, I punish him more than if he would have told him the truth. But his is difficult to do because I am not always sure when he is lying. I don’t want to punish him unfairly.
But there in this moment where I knew that he knew that he was lying, I lost it.
“Hayden, why are you lying to me?” I yelled. “The babies could not have possibly knocked that down. They are sleeping in their beds and you are alone in here. I know that you knocked it down because I heard you jumping around in here. Why did you lie?”
He continued to look at me but said nothing.
“I makes me very, very, angry when you lie,” I continued in my harsh tone. “When you lie you are not being a good boy! You hurt my feelings when you lie and you hurt Jesus’. Why don’t you just tell me the truth? Don’t you want to be a good boy? Only very bad boys lie.”
I took a breath and looked at him. I saw this lip begin to quiver. I saw his head hang down in shame and then I saw the tears.
“I don’t want to be a bad boy, Mommy. I don’t want to hurt you or make you mad. I am sorry, Mommy. Sorry,” he wailed.
I looked at him sitting there on his bed, his little body shaking with each new sob. I could tell that he felt terrible for what he had done and I knew that my words had not helped.
I stood there helpless. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to run to him and comfort him. I wanted to tell him that it was alright, that I was sorry for yelling. But I knew that if I did that the lesson would have been lost.
I took a deep breath, suppressed my urge to pick him up in my arms and said, “That’s alright, Hayden. I forgive you. Now you sit up here and think about telling me only the truth.”
“Ok,” he said in between big gasping sobs.
And with that I walked out of his room as quickly as I could because I did not know how much longer I could resist my urge to comfort him. I closed his door quietly and slipped into the bathroom to take my turn sobbing.
How do I deal with lying so that I don’t become an all out sobbing mess?
How do I teach him that honestly is really the best policy?
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