I checked my phone just because I couldn’t go all day without looking at it.
It was hard for me to check at it at work. First of all, I really wasn’t suppose to because it could interfere with patient care and second of all, it reminded me of all the fun things going on in the world of social media without me.
I expected just to see the normal icons of emails, tweets, and unread posts in my reader but this time my phone showed a missed call and a voice mail.
I looked around to make sure that no one was watching me and I quickly unlocked the phone and started pushing buttons to find out who the call was from.
The caller id said, ‘Elementary School’.
I looked at the time on the monitor screen above me and it said 5:24pm.
Hayden was long out of school. I wondered why school was calling me.
This was just too curious. I couldn’t leave the voice mail unanswered for the next 2 hours while my shift at work came to an end.
I looked around again to make sure that my actions were still unnoticed and then I slipped into the unit’s conference room to listen to the voice mail.
“You have one unheard message. 3:53pm. Yes, hi Jennifer. This is Cathy from the bus garage. There is no one at the bus stop to get Hayden. Just wondering what we should do?”
This was really weird.
Our sitter, Kimmy, was suppose to be at the bus stop to get Hayden off the bus just like she had done for many weeks before.
This was not how the afternoon was suppose to go but I figured that since the bus garage couldn’t get a hold of me, they must have gotten a hold of Jeff, who’s cell number is also listed on the emergency contact form, to come and get Hayden.
I decided that I needed to call Jeff just to make sure that he had Hayden and all was right in our little world.
“This is Jeff,” Jeff said in his standard greeting when answering his phone.
“Hi, its me.” I said. “Do you have Hayden?”
“What?” Jeff said and I could tell that his mind was racing trying to figure out what I was talking about.
“Is Hayden with you?” I asked again.
“What? No.” he said, “Is he suppose to be with me?”
It was in that moment that my knees went weak and my mouth went dry. I leaned on the wall for support, fearing that at any moment I was going to fall over. My mind was racing. So many thoughts flew through my mind.
Where was Hayden? Was he on the side of the road? Did someone have him? Who was he with? Was he at the house? There is no phone at the house. What if he was alone and someone took him? What if he was hurt? What if he was sad? What if? What if? What if?
I could barely focus when I heard Jeff’s voice cut through my cloud of confusion.
“Why are you asking me if he is with me? Wasn’t Kimmy suppose to get him off the bus like always?” Jeff asked voice steady and calm.
I took a breath but as hard as I tried I had no control of the speed or volume of which the words emptied from my lips, “The bus garage left me a message almost 2 hours ago, saying that no one was there to get Hayden off the bus. I don’t know where Hayden is.”
“I don’t know where Hayden is,” I repeated my voice almost a whisper.
“Well, first thing we need to do is call Kimmy,” Jeff said in his take charge voice.
Fumbled with my words, “I don’t have, I don’t know, where is, her number is…” I tried.
“How about, I call Kimmy and you call the bus garage and see if anyone is still there and then call me back in 5 minutes,” he said.
I nodded but it never occurred to me that he could see it.
“Jen,” he said, “I am sure everything is alright.”
The words hung in my head, ‘everything is alright’ as I tried to make my fingers focus on finding the phone number to the bus garage at Hayden’s school.
I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I felt sick like at any moment my stomach would empty itself of all the contents.
I remember the time Hayden rode off on his bike when my mom and dad were watching him. He got lost on the unfamiliar streets and no one could find him for about an hour. This is how she must have felt. Thank God, he was found unharmed and safe but how she remained calm and focused for one hour, I will never know. I was going on minutes and I felt like at any second I was going to loose it.
Then as I hit the button to make the call, the mommy guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.
What was I doing here at work? Why was I not there to get him off the bus. That is my job as his mother to make sure he was safe. It should be my only and most important job, the safety and well being of my son, not the heath of these people. These strangers. I am his mother, it should be me getting him off the bus. I should have been there.
Just as the guilt got to the point of suffocation, a voice came on the line.
“Elementary school bus garage,” she said.
I was surprised at my composure as I explained who I was and my story. Then I waited for her reply.
“Oh, yeah. I heard about that. I believe he got off at the next bus stop with the baby sitter,” she said.
I hung up the phone.
Closed my eyes, let the air escape my lungs that I had been holding here, said a prayer of thanks and called Jeff.
“This is Jeff,” he answered.
“They said he got off at the next stop with the sitter,” I explained my voice sounding funny to me.
“See, everything is alright,” Jeff said.
“Did you talk to Kimmy? What happen?” I asked almost too fast but I couldn’t help it my mom mode was in overdrive.
“I actually got her voice mail but I am sure that is because she and Hayden are downstairs playing and not because they are dead in a snow bank. Its all right, he is home where he belongs,” Jeff said.
I knew that I needed to believe him. I knew in my head that he was right. The fact that she didn’t answer because they were playing was logical and true but my heart had a hard time believing it.
We said our good byes and as I put my phone away, I glanced at the clock again.
5:41pm
One hour and fifty eight minutes until I would be home and able to hold my baby.
Then my heart would finally know that everything was alright and my sigh of relief would come.
This post is part of Writer’s Workshop
Oh man, what a heart attack! I’m glad it all worked out. I don’t get the no phone rule in offices. I carry my phone around in my hand all day long. I keep it on silent. Parents have to be reachable for situations just like this and employers need to understand that.
Brandi´s last [type] ..When I Grow Up
I would have died. It’s so scary, this whole “let them out of your sight” thing.
Absolutely terrifying. I am a nervous wreck from the time I know school ends and the time my son gets home when he is getting a ride from someone.
I can’t imagine how scary that was. Glad it all turned out all right.
Can’t wait to hear the babysitter’s explanation!
It actually was not her fault. She got stuck in traffic. We had some major constructions going on by our house and the workers stopped traffic for a while and she had no choice but to sit there and wait. I know that she was just as upset as I was, if not more.
Wow! So glad everything turned out ok. Sure you’ve hugged him over and over
Elena Wollborg´s last [type] ..A Plead to my Feline Frenemy
I would have lost it as well . I have been there with the missing child and it is terrifying. I am so glad that he was gotten off the bus by Kimmy and I am hoping that she was with him..
Angel´s last [type] ..Sometimes tears are hard things to have gratitude for
That must have been a devastating moment for you back then. Glad everything turned out fine and it was just a scare.
Gosh what a story. My heart is always in my throat anytime I see the school’s phone number! I bet you just loved on him when you got home and he was all like “Moooooooom, what are you doing?”
Making It Work Mom´s last [type] ..Relaxation 101
A few minutes seems like forever when you can’t find your kid.
It only gets slightly better. I still have to talk myself out of a panic when my 15 year old doesn’t answer his phone.
(Work guilt/home with sick kid guilt – I have had both this week.)
Heather´s last [type] ..Why Tri
Holy crap! I think I was holding my breath the entire time I was reading this! And I am a pretty slow reader. But still waiting to for the sigh of relief. I would love to hear that you got home and everything was okay! I am sure that it was but this mom is still worrying! I need my sigh of relief!
abbie´s last [type] ..Day 194- celebrating aldos birthday
You can breath. He was fine and is here annoying me by poking my shoulder just because as I type this.
All is well.
Jen, you write beautifully.
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..Someone put a bulb where
Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.
Wow, as all of the above comments attest, I can so feel your pain and understand your anxiety. WOW. If you have ever read “The Deep End of the Ocean” and still chosen to parent you are basically screwed from an anxiety standpoint unless you are going to velcro your child to you every second until they are 18. And we all know THAT isn’t very practical!! Glad he’s okay!
Paula Kiger´s last [type] ..Hemmed In A Mama Kat Writing Workshop Prompt
I would feel the same way! How frightening!
Connie @ Young and Relentless´s last [type] ..You Say Its Your Birthday!
This made my heart race just reading it!
Sarahviz´s last [type] ..I Need 27 Hours in a Day
I am glad that he is ok!
That is the worst feeling in the world. I bet you just wanted to run home then & there. Visiting from Twitter & Mama Kat’s too.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s… well written. You can feel the emotion from the words. Glad it worked out!
Your description of that awful feeling was spectacular. While reading I could feel it myself. I’m so glad everything worked out!
Mrs.Mayhem´s last [type] ..Snowman Jams
I would have been scared out of my mind! Yikes!
And, I can’t believe they didn’t follow up with you like 10 minutes later (via message) to let you know that everything was okay, or there was a misunderstanding.
Krystyn´s last [type] ..I just got the best email EVER!
I have no idea why they didn’t call. They really should have and the next day, I gave them a piece of my mind.
Wow, that is soo scary. Glad everything was alright in the end.
That’s scary. Glad everything was ok.
Otter´s last [type] ..The Grinch Didnt Steal Christmas
Oh, how frightening! I’m so glad it turned out ok. Like you, my mind always goes to the worst case scenario and I panic but my husband is always calm and rational.
I had a similar situation happen on the first day of school one year. My son got on the wrong bus but we had no idea where he was for an hour or so.
The bus.
Kids are SO excited to ride it but it is one scary place for us adults.
WOW! I would have FREAKED!
Jen-blessedmomto8´s last [type] ..SOO PEACEFUL without the
This is the second post I’ve read this week of a rogue kid & a school bus. I can’t imagine how freaked out I would have been and pissed at the sitter for not being where she should have been. Of course I’m glad everything is ok.
Alexandria´s last [type] ..Flying like a bird with prayers from my mouth
This has happened to me with my children… and every time I picture the worst. I don’t know why. I wish I didn’t. So glad your baby was home safe!
Laura´s last [type] ..20 for 2011
It’s so hard to be at work and trust the rest of the world to cradle our children as they go through their day, isn’t it? I know…I’m there with you.
Amy @ Never-True Tales´s last [type] ..What We’re Reading- Winter 2011 Edition
A parent’s worst fear. How scary. Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.
Yes! This seriously made me freak out just reading it, I can’t imagine living that moment. So glad he was okay
Emmy´s last [type] ..Its a Brother Thing
That would terrify me! I’m so glad everything ended up okay.
Visiting from Mama Kat’s
Carrie´s last [type] ..Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop- Recognition & Admiration
Oh my goodness. How horrible!
bless your heart!!! i cannot imagine. probably b:c i don’t have kids, but ya know what i mean. i DO however know the feeling of caring for a strangers’ every need and whim and health and happiness while my family is at home alone. and that sucks a big one. you’re a good nurse…but you are an amazing mom!!!
alisha´s last [type] ..WW-2011word
I think my heart stopped beating while I was reading this.
Sarah disappeared in Toys R Us a couple months ago when we were there on a crowded Saturday. Paul thought she was with me and I thought she stayed with Paul. Panic!!!
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This story is Scary with a capital S.
And I take capitalization seriously.
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