Just before bed the phone rang calling the husband into work, a child cried out with hurting ears and I knew there would be no rest for the weary.
Nights of little sleep make me sad.
So when the alarm rang in the morning, I wanted to throw it out the window and continue to sleep snuggled warm in my bed with Jeff who had only joined me only a couple hours before.
But school waits for no man so after hitting snooze for the third time, I finally threw back the covers, shoved Jeff awake mumbling “Shower… you… now” and walked into the kitchen .
Thank God for my Keurig coffee maker, add a cup, push a button and soon sweet wonderful coffee is in my cup.
As the coffee brewed, I saw two of my sons sitting on the couch, one seemingly watching TV and the other playing the DS.
“Morning, boys,” I said.
“Hi, mom,” they both answered.
I glanced at the clock and decided that the other two sleeping children could wait because after a night of little sleep dealing with two children at a time is easier than deal with all four at once.
“It’s a school day,” said warning the two boys that they would need to be getting ready soon.
They nodded.
Before I gathered clothes from upstairs, I decided morning snuggles with my boys was in order. What could be better than starting the day off with some hugs and love from mommy?
I stumbled into the living room, leaned down to hug one son when I saw it.
I was not prepared for this sight. It caught be completely off guard so I screamed,
“GOOD LORD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
My scream startled the boy and soon pants were being pulled back on and body parts were once again hidden.
For what I had stumbled upon was my son, shinning the helmet, rubbing one out, flogging the dolphin, in words touching himself.
As I watched my son instantly feel shame and hide from me, I felt bad.
This was totally not the way to handle this situation. I don’t want my children to feel bad or ashamed about touching themselves. Exploring your body is only normal. It’s a part of grown up. I just don’t want it done in the living room, while watching TV, for everyone to see.
“I am sorry,” I said to my son, “Come on, you don’t have to hide. It’s alright.”
My son rose his head up from the corner of the couch and looked at me.
“It’s alright to touch yourself, but that is just something that needs to be done in private. It’s something that you should do in your bedroom by yourself…. ok?!” I explained.
The little one nodded his head.
“Yeah,” my other son began, “I used to do that all the time but now I stopped because doing it so much kinda made my penis hurt but maybe I will start it again.”
I just stared at my son.
“Don’t worry mom,” he added, “I will do it my bedroom, privately because this is a private matter.”
I gave him a half smile, nodded and decided it was time to involve an expert on this subject… their father.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Holy Lord. *laughing so so hard* pun intended. My son is 2 and it’s pretty funny when he grabs his and giggles but I don’t think I’m prepared for what’s to come. Hope I can deal as well as you did.
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Jen Reply:
February 17th, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I would recommend NOT screaming at the boy.
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Oh. My. Gosh. Cannot stop laughing. I can so appreciate this. I have one son who constantly has his hands down his pants. And I keep reminding him that it’s something to be done in private. And he responds, “It is in private. I still have my pants on so no one can see what I’m doing.”
I think his idea of private and my idea of private are two very different things.
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So is your husband an expert at touching himself or an expert on dealing with the subject matter? Will he be advising them on how to get the most out of their efforts or will the conversation be more focused on other topics?
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Jen Reply:
February 17th, 2012 at 9:44 pm
I was a little vague on that wasn’t I…
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I am so not ready for that. My 3 yo just got into underwear full time and has at least one hand down his pants all. the. time. His preschool teacher (who only has a daughter) told me she thought maybe he was itchy or something and I explained he was fine, just fascinated.
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I’ve totally had that conversation…if any one of the kids catch another playing, um, with themselves, they scream out that playing with privates is only played in the bedrooms…
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Can I say I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one whose child started this quite young? Yeah I can. How do they figure out that it feels good so early on?!? SO yeah, BTDT.
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This is hilarious. I hope you bookmark it to show his future wife.
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Jen Reply:
February 17th, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Oh I think that I will tell this story to every girlfriend… wait, that might be a little much… maybe just tell it at his wedding.
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LOL. Your illustrations really make your stories come alive. bwahaha!
Seriously though, I am glad I have girls. Oy.
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*HIDING IN SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND HAPPY TO HAVE HAD GIRLS*
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This reminds me of the other day when Bud ran up to me, “Momma! Look how big it is.” Not something I’m interested in seeing.
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LMAO! Gotta love boys. My 2 yr old recently “found himself” and its been never ending. A friend of mine said she taught her boy to go to play with himself in the bedroom and to wash his hands after. Now every time he goes he calls it out loudly and assures to NOT WORRY! I’LL WASH MY HANDS AFTER!
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I am so glad I was not drinking a beverage while reading this.
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boys are a special kind of creature LOL
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Oh. No. Can I trade my boys for girls now?!
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oh
my
garage.
Well, you totally handled it right – i mean, it’s gonna happen – but before coffee?????
oye.
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Oh my goodness! I think this is probably why God gave me girls. I’m not sure I would have composed myself as quickly as you did!
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OMG dying. Not sure how I would deal with the penis playing. lol
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I was not prepared for this part of having boys. I still don’t know how to handle it. My 3 year old can not stop when he is without underwear…and bathtime is a seemingly free for all with both boys. I already told my husband he needs to talk to them about appropriate and not cause I am sure my reaction will be very close to yours.
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Your Kids are Hilarious!!
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Laughed so hard, but in truth, I’ve been trying to teach my son the meaning of private for the last 2 1/2 years, and he still touches his in public.
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Lol! Oh moments like these make me wish I had all girls.
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It would seem that a little boy in my daughter’s music program may have needed this discussion. He played “pocket pool” all the way through the entire concert. He was the star of the show!
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Haha! Hilarious! Boys are…different… than I ever imagined they would be! It’s certainly an adventure!
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