Sexy Mom Pajamas

by Jen on February 2, 2012

I get dressed.

Yup that’s right every day, I get dressed.

Some days, it is just changing from the yoga pants and sweat shirt I slept in to another set of yoga pants and a clean shirt but I get dressed.

And I also brush my teeth, comb my hair and put at least one swipe of mascara on my eye lashes.

I do this every day because back when I was pregnant with Hayden, I made a promise to myself that I would get dressed. I would try and feel like a person instead of just a frumpy mom.

That being said, at the end of the day and sometimes even before dinner, my favorite thing to do is to shed my clothes, put on some jammies and let the frump fly.

After a long day of being stuffed into clothes the frump just needs to be released in the form of jammies and often times, this needs to be before dinner.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a lover of fashion and I like to look nice but there is just something about wearing jammies that is so well, comforting and freeing.

When I saw them at Kohl’s, I just knew that they had to be mine.

The fuzzy material and softness called to me so much so that I debated for about 15 minutes, well the kids played ring around the rosies around some woman in a power chair, if I could just put them on in the store and wear them for the rest of the day.

Getting new jammies was not why I came into Kohl’s but sometimes the clearance rack produces magical things that must leave the store with us.

“Yeah, mommy!” Claire said as I pulled them off the rack, “Are you going to get those?! They are so soft and just like mine.”

I smiled at her and decided it was meant to be. I must take these jammies home and wear them immediately.

But unfortunately, the day got away from me and I couldn’t change into my new jammies as quickly as I would like. I did, however, decided to change just before Jeff’s got home.

I was proudly strutting my stuff around the kitchen in full fluffy soft comfort when he walked in.

“Did you do a little shopping at mommypajamas.com today?!” he said

“What?!” I said doing a full spin in the kitchen, “These are awesome. You know you like them.”

Jeff rolled his eyes and turned to put his laptop and coat away.

“Oh come on, they are not that bad. I know that they skating polar bears are a little much but they were on sale and feel them, they are so soft and comfy,” I say defending my new purchase.

Again Jeff rolled his eyes at me.

“Whatever! You know these are sexy! I know you like my pink fuzzy polar bear jammies,” I said as I turned my back towards him to finish dinner.

With that statement Jeff began to laugh, ” Ha! Those are so sexy that I am thinking about never having sex with you again and taking a vow of celibacy.”

“Fine, but just know… you are missing out on all this,” I said as I did my best sexy body roll that probably looked more like I was having some weird seizure or trying to poop. ”I am to sexy for my jammies and you know it!”

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Math is Hard

by Jen on February 1, 2012

“Come on kids, let’s go get in the van!” I called across the house.

Every day at 3:46pm, I call Jake, Quinn and Claire and we go to the van to drive to the bus stop to get Hayden. The little kids think this is the best time of day because since we just drive down our private road, they don’t have to wear seat belts or shoes.

This is also the time when we drive up to the mailbox.

On our street, the mailboxes are all gathered together in a central location. When the weather is nice, we usually walk to get the mail but in the cold wet snow, it’s just easier to quickly drive.

I love to get the mail.

There is just something exciting about opening the mailbox, pulling out the pile of papers and seeing what is there. I secretly hope for something special from a friend or a random present sent by a stranger but usually it’s just bills, ad fliers and junk mail.

This really disappoints me but I  just smile and remember that tomorrow is another day for the mail and maybe, just maybe, there will be something special there then.

As we waited in the van for the bus to pull up, I did my usual scan of the mail and the last piece that I came to was a post card from a company that offers math tutoring. I was about to trash it when I turned it over to find a little quiz to give to your child to see if they were at the level they should be.

I was reading over it when I began to wonder about Hayden’s math level. I don’t want him to be left behind so I decided I would ask him and see what he could do.

But soon the chaos of getting off the bus, going back home and breaking up a fight about how Jake was not 22 years old, made me forgot about the card. I didn’t give it a second thought until I was going through the mail again.

Then my little plan for Hayden came back to me.

I was just about to call Hayden in to ask him some of the questions when I decided that maybe I should take the test myself. Math has never been my strong suit but I should at least be able to get through grade school math. How hard could this test really be?

First Grade: 11 + 12 =__ Well, this was no problem, 23.

Second Grade:  1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10 =__  Ok, I can do this, 55. That was a little difficult and a calculator would have made it easier but I can do that. Thank goodness, I can use my fingers.

Third Grade: How much is 99 plus 99 plus 99? Um? 297. Ok yeah, that took some work and yeah, I totally need a calculator.

Fourth Grade: Count by 1 3/4 from 0 to 7.  Wait? What?! That is how you count.

Fifth Grade: Which is greatest: 17/18, 23/30 or 18/19 (Explain how you go this answer.) Huh?!

Sixth Grade: Halfway through the second quarter, how much of the game is left? What? What game? What are they talking about?

Seventh Grade: How much is 6 1/2% of 250?  Isn’t this why there is a calculator on my smart phone. Yeah, I need a calculator.

Pre-Algebra: On a certain map, 6 inches represents 25 miles. How many miles does 15 inches represent? Isn’t this why I can a GPS lady in my car?!

Algebra: When you take 3 away from twice a number, the answer is 8. What is that number? Are they asking me in English? What in the world are they talking about?

Geometry: What is the Absolute Value of the point (3,4)? Is this question about vodka?!

“Mom!” Hayden said calling me back to reality and away from my disgust with this math, “Look at what I got at school today.”

He showed my a small water bottle.

“Oh that is cool. Why did you get that?” I asked.

“Because I was able to list all 50 states,” Hayden said with a big grin and then proceeded to rattle off about 20 states at random.

Dumbfounded, I just looked at my kid and then back at the math test card still in my hand.

“Hey, Hayden…” I began and proceeded with my plan, asking  him the first three questions on the test. I watched him think about each one and then answer them all correctly.

“Show off!” I thought to myself as I hugged him close, kissed his head. I decided that it would be better parenting to be encouraging so I said, “That is awesome, buddy. You are so smart.”

He scampered away and two things ran through my mind.

In math, I am no smarter than a first grader and Jeff is totally going to be helping with all the math homework.

*Just so you know, I am not affiliated with this tutoring company at all. Although, I might want to look into it for myself.

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The Booger Wall

January 30, 2012

I am not sure why but one afternoon after I shooed the little kids up the stairs for a rest time, I decide that I would crawl up the stairs like a bar and playfully scare the kids.
“Grrrr! Here I come” I growled, “And I am hungry for some little kid toes.”
Fits of laughter and squeals of delight erupt [...]

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My Teen Idol

January 27, 2012

I was a very weird child.
I already told you about how I was a late bloomer for most things but that really is not even that half of it.
Back in the early 90’s, specifically 1994, I was obsessed.
Now, you are probably nodding your head because what young girl just beginning her teens, was not obsessed with all things pop [...]

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The Scream Maker

January 26, 2012

I thought the kid’s preschool teacher liked me.
I thought that we had a good relationship.
Well, I thought wrong.
Why do they even make toys like this?
*turn the volume up really, really loud. No, I am kidding. Don’t unless you like headaches.*

(There is a video to watch, click here to see it and while you are there, [...]

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One Thing Children are Good at… Entertainment

January 24, 2012

My children never fail to entertain me.
Why just one afternoon when they went out to play in the snow and I was totally entertained by their antics.

Yeah, sledding on a snow board. This is a great idea… not!

Aw, they are going to work together. That is so nice.

Oh, Jake. That boy…

When there is teamwork, you [...]

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It’s Called Discipline… Use it!

January 23, 2012

“Billy, stop that right now!” she said.
As I walked the triplets into school, I saw their little friend Billy messing around with one of the doors.
“Billy, stop!” his mom said again.
I smiled at her politely and set the backpacks down as Jake, Quinn and Claire removed their coats. They all then ran off to go [...]

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Tutorial: How to Use Toliet Paper

January 20, 2012

I was walking to my bedroom which meant that I had to pass by a bathroom when I saw something that made me stop.
There was a child in the bathroom, door standing wide open and business was being done on the toilet.
Now, I realize that this is not an abnormal thing to see and that [...]

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Can We Go Out in the Snow?

January 19, 2012

I awake to the sounds of joyous children.
At first, I am very confused. Is it Christmas morning again? Did a magic fairy leave new toys and candies? What would make the children so happy?
I lay in bed trying to think over the noise of all the happy screams when it hits me.
I throw back the [...]

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Un-Child Proofing

January 17, 2012

I have begun the process of un-child proofing our house.
No, I am not talking about taking all the chemicals and poisons that are in the house and handing them to the children. I am talking about the process of  taking back my house from my children and the destruction they caused.
This process is very long and involved [...]

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