“Is there a word that you don’t like?” I asked Jeff one night as he climbed into bed.
“Um, no” Jeff said while giving me his ‘what in the world is this woman talking about now’ look, “Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering because my friend Jackie’s husband doesn’t like the word penis. He is just disgusted by the word so much that she is not allow to say it in front of him,” I answered.
“Isn’t that just weird for a guy not to like the name of his body part?”
Jeff snorted as he said, “I don’t know how weird it is. Its not like you think ‘vagina’ is such a beautiful word?”
“Well, no.” I said. “I don’t think its a ‘beautiful word’ but it is what I got and I am going to say it because its anatomically correct. Plus, what else is he going to call his penis?”
And that right there my friends was when I opened the door for Jeff to do what he does best and take things way to far. With that last question, Jeff just smiled, took a big deep breath and said,
” Well, how about… burrowing bishop, family jewels, one-eyed willy, one-eyed trouser snake, wally, the one-eyed wonder weasel, pork sword, skin flute, twig and berries, kibble and bits, white-hot love truncheon, dong, stiffie, dick, tadger, prick, willy, John Thomas, piece of pork, wife’s best friend, percy, cock, crank, little general, purple-helmeted warrior, The Bald Avenger, magic missile, yogurt-spitting cyclops….”
He took another breath, opened his mouth to start again just as I slapped him and gave him my ‘yeah, you see the line, you totally stepped over it’ look.
As I turned over to settle in to go to sleep, I heard Jeff starting to giggle beside me.
“What?” I asked my tone laces with annoyance.
“I forgot one,” he said in between giggles.
And again, I didn’t stop. I opened the door and helped him cross that line even more, “What?”
“My Junk,” and with that Jeff busted up laughing shaking the bed with each belly laugh.
I turned fully over, pulled the covers up to my chin, having learned a very valuable lesson.
Never ask a man another name for penis.
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