My Teen Idol

by Jen on January 27, 2012

I was a very weird child.

I already told you about how I was a late bloomer for most things but that really is not even that half of it.

Back in the early 90’s, specifically 1994, I was obsessed.

Now, you are probably nodding your head because what young girl just beginning her teens, was not obsessed with all things pop culutre.

What young girl didn’t squeal with delight when ‘New Kids on the Block’ or ‘All 4 One’ came on the radio?

What young girl didn’t drool over Keanu Reeves in ‘Speed’?

And what young girl didn’t swoon when Zach Morris came on TV in ‘Saved by the Bell’?

Well, I will tell you what girl didn’t… me.

That’s right. When all my friends were going boy crazy and acting like idiots over the guys on TV, I was downstairs in my basement practicing doing triplet axles. You know, the super difficult jump that most Olympic women’s skater’s tried to land to ensure themselves a gold medal?!

I was certain that I was going to nail that jump and become a famous figure skater like my idol… Nancy Kerrigan.

Of course, I needed to try it on actual ice and probably learning how to actually ice skate would have been a good idea. But I continued to practice on the carpet and thought I was hot stuff  when I did my jump turn in the air and landed on my feet keeping myself and all the furniture intact.

But no matter what, I was going to be a figure skater.

That’s right back in the early 90’s I was obsessed with figure skating. I couldn’t get enough of it and watched each competition religiously.

Well thankfully, there was a huge event that would take place in the winter of 1994 to feed my obsession… the winter Olympics. And my idol, Nancy Kerrigan was looking like she was going to take the gold.

I was so excited. I loved Nancy. I felt like her little sister and when I found out that her birthday was three days before mine, I knew that we were meant to be. I wrote her a letter and told her of my undying love for her and that we had almost the same birthday. She sent me  an autographed photo and that photo became my prized possession.

In fact, that photo started my shrine to Nancy Kerrigan.

Much to my mom’s distaste, I took one of the walls of my bedroom and filled it floor to ceiling with photos of Nancy. Much like this collage only on a much, much larger scale.

I just loved to look at Nancy and dream of skating like her.

Then something terrible happened to my beautiful Nancy. She became the center of a terrible, terrible plot that tried to end her skating career. A jealous and evil skater had her husband and body guard whack Nancy’s knee to try and stop her from competing.

I was devastated. And when Nancy cried, “Why why why?! Why me?!” I cried it too. Oh, I hated Tonya Harding and what she did. I followed the news coverage of this story like a hawk. I made people save every single magazine and newspaper article about it. Why? So I could add more pictures to my bedroom wall.

Tonya was just so mean and I laughed when she cried because her boot lace got caught making her skate poorly in the Olympics and unable to complete her infamous triplet axle.

Oh stupid, Tonya. Your boot lace didn’t make you fail at figure skating, the fact that you are not Nancy Kerrigan did. She is the winner. And besides, figure skating is not hard, I can totally do it… in my basement on the carpet.

See, I told you I was obsessed and knew every detail.

Well the Olympics came and my beautiful Nancy Kerrigan didn’t do as well as everyone had hoped and won silver instead of gold. Then she mumbled some words about an other skater being too whinny, my mom made take down my ‘Wall o’ Nancy’, I found boys and that was the end of that.

But every now and again, I bust out one of my half carpet axles, usually fall and sprain my ankle, and remember what could have been. I was almost the next Nancy Kerrigan.

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The Scream Maker

by Jen on January 26, 2012

I thought the kid’s preschool teacher liked me.

I thought that we had a good relationship.

Well, I thought wrong.

Why do they even make toys like this?

*turn the volume up really, really loud. No, I am kidding. Don’t unless you like headaches.*

(There is a video to watch, click here to see it and while you are there, subscribe to my YouTube Channel)

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One Thing Children are Good at… Entertainment

January 24, 2012

My children never fail to entertain me.
Why just one afternoon when they went out to play in the snow and I was totally entertained by their antics.

Yeah, sledding on a snow board. This is a great idea… not!

Aw, they are going to work together. That is so nice.

Oh, Jake. That boy…

When there is teamwork, you [...]

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It’s Called Discipline… Use it!

January 23, 2012

“Billy, stop that right now!” she said.
As I walked the triplets into school, I saw their little friend Billy messing around with one of the doors.
“Billy, stop!” his mom said again.
I smiled at her politely and set the backpacks down as Jake, Quinn and Claire removed their coats. They all then ran off to go [...]

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Tutorial: How to Use Toliet Paper

January 20, 2012

I was walking to my bedroom which meant that I had to pass by a bathroom when I saw something that made me stop.
There was a child in the bathroom, door standing wide open and business was being done on the toilet.
Now, I realize that this is not an abnormal thing to see and that [...]

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Can We Go Out in the Snow?

January 19, 2012

I awake to the sounds of joyous children.
At first, I am very confused. Is it Christmas morning again? Did a magic fairy leave new toys and candies? What would make the children so happy?
I lay in bed trying to think over the noise of all the happy screams when it hits me.
I throw back the [...]

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Un-Child Proofing

January 17, 2012

I have begun the process of un-child proofing our house.
No, I am not talking about taking all the chemicals and poisons that are in the house and handing them to the children. I am talking about the process of  taking back my house from my children and the destruction they caused.
This process is very long and involved [...]

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Oh Daddy…

January 16, 2012

“Daddy,” Claire says with a giggle, “Your farts are so funny.”
I rolled my eyes because here comes the potty talk again. Jeff and Claire were sitting on the stairs doing the nightly hair brushing. For some reason, Jeff has the touch. She will cry, scream and carry on when I brush her hair but for him, [...]

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Late (Pinterest) Bloomer

January 13, 2012

I am a late bloomer.
I played with Barbies and dolls until I was like 13.
I didn’t get my period until I was almost 15.
I didn’t kiss a boy until I was 17.
I married the first boy that asked me.
I didn’t go through a ‘rebellon stage’ until I was 30 where I wanted to get a [...]

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How to Make Designer Pancakes

January 11, 2012

About four years ago, Jeff and I were sitting on the couch watching Food Network on TV because I had control of the remote and I love that channel, when a short order cook came on and began to make a smiley face on his pancakes with the batter.
“I could do that,” Jeff said.
I just [...]

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